Deactivate.

Today was a great day for what it actually was. At seven a.m I awoke upon my own accord in my mom’s bed. (As a grown adult I’ve moved out of my mother’s home and she is now renting my old room so any time I go to see her I stay on the couch or in her room, depending) I had to go to my hometown to get some dental work done as I have been too lazy to find a Dentist where I now reside and have my files transferred. I’m not ready to stop going to my dentist in my hometown. He and his colleagues do great work for a decent price, given I am uninsured.

Anyway, so I awoke ready to shower, pack up and head back two hours and fifteen minutes, going straight to work from my hometown. I alllways leave myself a decent time barrier to guarantee timeliness. This knowledge does not keep me from freaking out about time until I am undoubtedly certain all is good. This is one of many reasons why I absolutely hate driving anymore. Way too stressful for me even if the distance between point a and b is so very short.

Once I arrived to work (fifteen minutes early) clocked in, was signing onto my designated register for my shift when T asked me if I’d leave an hour earlier than scheduled. They’re cutting everyone’s hours back. Today’s events proved to me why! The store was dead. This is bummer to me. =( I need to finish my chemistry degree!! I need to be in my own secured little nook with just me and my research. My biggest fear is discovering that wont even help me. I don’t know that anything can make me happy. I haven’t been truly happy in a long while. I know I am who/what governs my happiness but I can’t do it all on my own. Maybe I’m the only one? I don’t think I can be though…

What matters most is I don’t give up. I just power through my stagnant stage of seemingly depression. When I got home from work, an hour and forty minutes sooner than expected, I saw my sister had shamelessly left her yard unmowed for far too long. I stormed in, changed and proceeded to mow the lawn. After I mowed the lawn I cleaned out my car, did the dishes, vacuumed downstairs and up, cleaned my room and my bathroom and washed some clothes. All out of anger that my sister is such a lazy slob and also at myself for having slacked so much recently. Rage cleaning works for me. I get shit done. She bought me Hot&sour soup and sauteed garlic sauce steak with white rice as a thanks. I accept that, for now.. =P Also, I thought this was cool, my fortune cookie said this: "Go take a rest; you deserve it." How strrrange?! So, this right here is my rest. =)

                                                                                        ………………………………………………………

I deactivated my Facebook some days ago. I don’t really remember when per se. I’m slightly worried if I pay attention to how long it’s been I’ll go back eventually. As of right now I feel freed. I feel alive. It could also be that at this very moment I have Benjamin Gibbard’s voice resonating from headphones resting upon my head? His voice always seems to do something to me that is quite difficult to explain. Almost the same feeling I get throughout my entire head when rain is gracefully falling to earth and dancing on my bedroom windowsill.

I am in such an amazing nostalgic mood.

I would like to end this entry here, with this feeling.
Goodnight <3

Itsybitsy.