i guess this is all my fault

this doesnt feel right and this is NOT what i had intended. I wanted to see her because it had been a while, but i also wanted to smoke and see them. so i brought the two together. i never intended for them to fall in love and forget about me. and now both of them are upset because i have said things that i shouldnt have said but i didnt know that i wasnt supposed to say them. truth is i dont know what to say or what to do. this has never happened to me like this before. i figured if i stuck it out with him for long enough he would change and we would live happily ever after but now we like eachothers friends and are being pulled passed eachother and I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO FEEL. i do know that i feel guilty.  i feel guilty because i think he feels that i have left him for the man upstairs. but why should i feel guilty when he left me for my best friend. i feel like im the one who’s right.  i try my best to leave all my intimate convos for when he and i are upstairs alone. i try to make sure that when its all of us just chillin that i dont single anyone out as more important to me than the rest. i sit on the couch, they sit in their chairs.  so why should i feel guilty when he didnt extend me that same courtesy??? why should i feel guilty when he is the one who made me wait in mcdonalds alone while he took her to see something that i guess im just not special enough to be a part of?  why should i feel guilty when i spent the rest of the night falling asleep alone on the couch while they took long romantic walks together? but i do feel guilty, I DO. i feel like i have devoted so much of my time and energy into him and taking care of him and being there for him that im worried about how he feels about me and mr.unknown.  im worried if he’s ok with it. but again, why should i care if he’s ok with it. he doesnt give a fuck about how i feel.

I just hope he knows that no one will ever replace him and that my heart will never know another lyric … even if he cant say the same about me. i guess thats just how it goes. it be’s that way sometimes hunh?

there’s room for only one bitch at the ranch , lol?