You Can’t Win

I swear, sometimes there is just no winning with some people. Today’s example: my mother-in-law.

G was venting to his mom about difficulties with his daughter, A. There’s a lot of backstory that I need to write, but for now, I’ll summarize it like this: A is a hormonal pre-teen with anger issues. Today’s vent came from G’s frustration with A’s constant arguing about everything; specifically, band camp this summer. Last summer, A did not want to see her mother. She made the decision to stay here and do summer school and band camp, because she was mad at her mom. This summer, she wants to see her mom. Okay, fine. She gets 6 weeks. G told A that she can skip summer school, even though her grades are poor, but she needs to do band camp. A has been arguing against it constantly. Today she tells G that her mom contacted a lawyer about visitation, and that the lawyer will be contacting G. So, G tells his mom this, and then moves on to how he didn’t behave the way A does when he was a kid. His mom says that he had a “berserk lunatic father” who wouldn’t let G get away with any crap. She then tells G that “we (meaning G and I) let her get away with everything” and that’s why she behaves badly. Um, what the serious fuck? This child was getting away with murder when I met them, and any attempts or suggestions I’ve made to introduce discipline were either ignored, or it was too late. Regardless, I kept my mouth shut, and G told her, “When I was getting after her for her behavior, you kept telling me it was too much and she was having crying fits every day, and you were worried she was going to be suicidal. You can’t have it both ways.”

I’m at a loss. His mother is becoming more difficult by the day. We both wish she didn’t live here, but we can’t get her to leave. His siblings won’t help, and she refuses to go live with them anyway. She can’t live on her own – she doesn’t drive, and honestly I’m concerned she’d leave the burner on or something. She’s part of the problem with A: she thinks we need to be nicer but it’s okay for her to snap at A when she’s tired of her shit, or having a bad day, or not feeling well. Nope, sorry, that’s not how this works. You have to play by the same rules, lady.

Man. I really just feel like there is no winning. There will always be a problem.