Grasping at straws.

AS some of you may know, Lang and I have broken up. This was my idea and I am standing behind it. Let me start at the beginning.

My wife and I were not doing well. We were on the way to a divorce I think when I met Lang. I fell madly in love with her and left my wife to be with her. In making such a quick transition I neglected to have the closer with my wife. We had been together for ten years and she is the mother of my three wonderful children. She was a great woman but she stopped loving me in a way that I could see. I never gave her a chance to fix things, I just left. My wife has since become a different person. She has gone back to being the person she was when we were younger, the woman I fell in love with. I know what you are thinking, I left Lang for my wife, wrong. I told my wife that I was finally going to file for the divorce. It is something neither of us could bring ourselves to do. I am confused and distraught over all of this. It is damaging my children and it is killing me to be torn between Lang, my soul mate, and my wife. I love them both but I think I belong with Lang. She is the most wonderful person I’ve ever known. So why break up? Because we rushed into our relationship and it has been shrouded with lies since the beginning. Not lies to her but in the fact that I felt like I had to hide her. She has met my step brothers and sisters, but not my real brother and sister. She has not met my mom either, not that I’m in a rush to make that introduction for Lang’s sake. I need some time alone to get over my marriage and finalize the divorce that way when I am ready to be in a relationship I can ask Lang to marry me, if she’ll still have me at the time. She deserves the very best and I can only give her 50% of myself right now. I need to get myself organized and take inventory of my feelings so that I can take care of not only my children but myself and Lang as well. I hated having to ask her to leave before my kids arrived in the mornings and I hated making her feel like she was a secret. My worst fear was that she thought I was ashamed of her, I am not. I am proud that she let me be part of her life and I pray that she will once again when the time is right.

So all of you who judged me and warned Lang, I guess you were right, but don’t ever doubt how much I love her.