December 8, 2004

Survey

I haven’t done a survey in like ten million years, so I decided to steal this from someone’s livejournal site and play 🙂 Feel free to play along 🙂

i am not: SMOKING ANYMORE! At least, not this hour. But, in all truth, I am not beautiful… I honestly believe I pass for cute, and that’s all.

i hurt: when I feel there is nothing I can do to help someone in need.
i love: my roommate and best friend, Mikey, and my family and close friends.
i hate: not being organized and planned. I need a schedule 🙂
i fear: the dark… and silence… hence the reason I sleep with a TV on.
i hope: that when I grow up, I inspire people.
i hear: Will and Grace in the background, and a lot of coughing.
i crave: A cigarette… but not as bad as before. I also crave head cuddles and a snuggle mate.
i regret: Not seeing my sister one last time before she died.
i cry: when moved- happy, sad, outraged, furious, laughing. Crying is healthy- I am not afraid to do it.

i always: try my best to make people laugh
i long to: be financially independent from everyone.
i feel alone: hardly ever- there are always people there for me, and I love them all
i listen: to everything people have to say. I love being able to help 🙂
i hide: my hurt- why should others suffer because of something I feel? I can handle it on my own.
i drive: a piece of shit car (JK) I drive to be a better person
i sing: All the time, and horribly right now (No voice, AH!)
i dance: Only when drunk, and even then, it’s not good. Though, took dance lessons for 9 years.
i write: More than I have been lately. I love writing, such a good way to express yourself.
i breathe: Somewhat normally now, though still coughing. When I sleep, I breathe “heavy” (not snoring)
i miss: As bad as it sounds… Brian. I just wish we could be friends.

i search: for meaning, and for the path back to God. I get so confused sometimes.
i learn: as much as possible. I love learning new things.

i feel: too much, and too little, all at the same time.

i know: I will succeed if I put my mind to it.
i say: I am happy, when inside, all I am doing is screaming, crying, and clawing my way out.
i succeed: if I try, and I try if I KNOW I can do it, and when everyone else says I can’t.
i fail: when I doubt my own abilities, or when others tell me I can’t.
i dream: vividly, and often. But, I most of all dream of someday getting all I desire.
i sleep: in the middle of the bed- I need my space!!

i wonder: if God really does have a plan, and what he has planned for me. Also, if love will ever find me again.
i want: my own car, that I bought with my own money, that is solely mine, and only mine.

i worry: that I, myself, will never be enough for just one person.
i have: the greatest gay boyfriend in the world.
i give: all that I can if I can spare it, and sometimes even when I can’t spare it.
i fight: with all that is in me if it is something I believe in.
i wait: for the “one”, with open arms and an open mind.
i need: friends, and loved ones, more than anything.
i am: a God fearing woman, who knows what she must do, but fears that she has to do it as well.
i think: there is a reason for everything.
i wish: I could change things after that happen- go back in time.