Still not smoking

Although, last night… I did attempt. Not because I was craving a cigarette, but just to see if it was different. So, I lit it… took a drag… made a face… and handed the full lit smoke back to my roommate. Yup. It tasted… funny, and my lungs did not like it.

I almost have my complete voice back, which means I can sing again, which means my tunes in the car will be bumping, and I will be happy. I have had so much great support, from all of you guys, from friends, from family, and I am so thankful that people I have not even met believe in me. Thank you so much. ::tear:: I am not going to make promises with this though… I do not crave as bad as I did on day two, but when both your roommates are smokers, it’s hard to not want to fit in. But… one day at a time… no, scratch that… one hour, one “moment” at a time.

I don’t think people who are trying to quit smoking should count down days. It should be hours. When I smoked, I had a routine: wake up, shower, dress, light cigarette, do make up, leave, get in car, LIGHT CIGARETTE, one when first on the highway, one right before I got off. Hop the train, get off, LIGHT CIGARETTE, between classes… every time I got out of the car, or every hour that turned on my cable clock. It was routine, a routine I have had now for almost two years since I have moved out of my parents house. A routine that sucked to break, but I am already feeling healthier with every passing moment.

The true test will be work- with 75% of the staff going outside to smoke when it’s slow, I’m going to want to follow. Now, I’ll just have to hang back, sip my cup of coffee, and wait for my first table to be sat. Tough, but I think I can do it.

There are times when I miss it… some that have become SO routine, it pains me a little to break that routine.

– After meal smokes. When you are so full, that all you really need to do is take deep breaths, but those breaths seem so much easier with a cigarette on the other end.

– Driving smokes. Jamming to tunes, window cracked, smoking… I miss that. I don’t know if I’ll still have the love to travel by car after this, but… we’ll see.

– Walking to classes smokes. It just gives you something to do, ya know? Instead of counting cars, and watching the sidewalk, avoiding the cracks.

– Wake up/Goodnight smokes. That nicotine fix when you wake, and right before your eyes shut at night. I think I may miss those most of all.

But, people, I’m trying. I am doing it, slowly, but the point is I am trying. My roommate, Mike, best friend Mike, is trying to cut back. He was crabby after being in the car for twenty minutes with out a cigarette. I don’t want to be around him when he quits. I told him that when he goes to visit his mom for Christmas, that he better quit. His response? “Our pact was that you were quitting once you had your masters degree, I’m not breaking that pact like  you did.” (Of course, he was joking, he’ll TRY) I am off to school. Thanks again, everyone, for your love and support. Take care 🙂