So Real, I could touch her

I had to jump right out of bed and write this down. I haven’t had a dream about Kerri (my sister who passed away) in so long, that this came out of nowhere.

In the dream, my whole family was sitting around the living room. My brother was argueing with everyone, but then him and my dad started argueing about drinking, and I was sure something was going to blow up. So, I stood up and got between them. Once my dad was out of the room, I started to shake my brother by the shoulders, and I slapped him across the face. “Don’t piss him off Jim! I hate that this family fights so much!” Standing around me was my younger sister Katie, and my mom, and from between them, in walks Kerri.

She was wearing a blue bandana on her head, and a blue sweatshirt, her dark hair tied into a low ponytail behind her head. Jim said, “I see Kerri.” “Me too,” I whispered, and as she walked by me, her shoulder brushed against mine, and I reached out and grabbed her. “I can feel her too! I can feel her!” I turned around and hugged her so tight. It felt so real. She was just playing with my hair, and laughing into my shoulder, I never wanted to let go. But, I did, I passed her on to my mom. I saw them walk into the kitchen, and then I woke up.

It was so real. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling I had just hugging her. At one point in the dream, I thought she had disappeared, mid hug, and I was merely hugging myself, but she was there again, in an instant.

I would give my own life just to hug her that tight again, my soul to the devil, whatever it takes. Just to feel that bear hug she could give, I would do anything.

I am crying so hard right now, I can’t even catch my breath. It was strange. Right now, I should be on a train to school, but I wasn’t feeling good, so I took the morning off, and went back to sleep… and had that dream… Kerri, I miss you so much. Sometimes thinking about it though gets me so pissed off. Why couldn’t she just stay away from drugs? Why couldn’t she just STOP using, and try a little harder… for our sakes? But, it was just a dream. This is the first time in a LONG time I cried about Kerri. I can’t forget her, and I know, she won’t let me forget her either.