two and half weeks (edited)

the next two and a half weeks were just amazing, i spent as much time as i could at his place with him and sarah too hanging out relaxing, it was the first time in years that i didnt want to kill myself and that felt like a miricale. He gave me daisies and complements and kisses. he reassured me time and time again that i had some sort or worth.There was one night on sumas mountain that was just magical we made a fire and lay out a blanket…we wanted to see some stars but it was kinda clouded over and there were trees around us so we werent able to see to many. dispite that it was still really romantic.

the morning after:

june 17 2001

well its about oh id say 6:30am  and im laying outside on my pink blanke the sun is so bright and as i look ahead of me i see sparkiling dew drops perched on slim blades of grass. there are birds fluttering above me.

The road the car or his driving whatver it was sure was smoothe just glidign along the empty mountain roads in the early mornig hours wathing the sun light up mt baker and talked about nothing….about everything wow its really nice and bright his morning i was to go ro a walk really my nose is cold.

I also wrote a poem about that night :

covered stars i lay myself to sleep tonight

and looked beyond the window

but try as hard as i might the stars they did not glow

for those stars they have been coverd

by the gloomy clouds of tears

just as in my hear they hovered

lasting throughout the years

buts as the night you held me tight we knew the stars were there

forever burnign through the night

i know that you still care

 so beneth all those covered stars

 i lay myslef to sleep knowing that the night is ours

as you are mine to keep.

but my mom eventually figured it all out.. maybe it was when we tried to go across the border to visit mikes friend levi and the would let us in cause me and sarah were underage and they searched the car and found condoms and called my mom, gosh was that a crappy day.Anyways it became a big deal within my family that i a 16 year old was dating a 22 year old man. but i stuck up for it and i swore that i loved him …even though he would never admit to anyone on his part what was going on i was still a secret, we never went out in public and he didn introduce me to anyone important in his life.Anways it was in july that my mom sent me off to calgary to stay with my aunt for 3 weeks. hoping the time away would break me and mike apart.In mid aug i got back and proved to my mom that mike and i werent going to split up. he even met me at the airport to welcome me home, with a rose. aw he met my mom that day and i remember him apoligising to her about his sweaty hands before shaking her hand.And for two and a half weeks things were good. till i went to sicamouse.i later found out that while i was in sicamouse mike and daniella went swimming together at which  time he confided in her that he wanted to break up with me.When i returne home i ended up going to a out for dinner with daniella to try and catch up even though we hadnt been talking much. she told me what he had said and she also told me what ken had told her…that mike smoked crack.

aug 2001

Well this always happens always worse than expected he fucking told daniella he was going to break up with me when i get back from sicamouse had me over for the next 3 days, fucks me over and over tellme he wants a break then dani told me that ken told her that (my printing become scibbles here) he does crack….laughed but asked anyways. yup today actually so i get home and grabbed the closest blade and slit long and quick musta hit a vein,bleedin like a bitch.

i didnt believe it but i ran to the pay phone in the boston pizza and called him, i asked him about the accusations and he didnt have much to say…i asked him when the last time he smoked crack was and he told me he had done it that day.I was enraged, i couldnt believe it. i wanted daniella to be lieing to me but she didnt, i asked him if he planned on telling me and he told me that wouldnt have told me if i didnt ask him.We obviously couldnt work things out over the payphone at boston pizza so i went over the next day…and he dumped me.