TMI

This is a TMI entry for some of you.

I have had “symptoms” emerging over the past 9months or so but never out them all together until my last doctor’s appointment. I told my doctor my “symptoms” and he said each one alone is nothing but together they may add up to something…or a whole lot of nothing. He said he’d wait for my pap results then let me know if there was a concern because a normal pap would ease his mind….my pap was abnormal and showed some “disturbing signs” that I needed to come in for a cervical biopsy within a few weeks.

 

My symptoms:

1. Over the past nine months my typical daily discharge has changed. It is a little thicker and has increased. It doesn’t have an odor or a change in color. It’s not like a yeast infection or bacterial infection, it’s just different…thicker than what I am use to and more obnoxious.

 

2. Over the past 4-5 months I get small, sharp pains through my uterus/cervical area during sex (rarely) and after sex (frequently). They begin 30-45minutes after sex and last about 5-10 seconds every few minutes for an hour. During that hour they space out and lessen in intensity. The first few are pretty rough though. Enough that I wince or change positions if laying down/sitting.

 

 

3. I am getting cramps that last about 5-15 minutes a few times a day for 1-3days straight every 2-4 weeks. They feel like pre menstrual cramps but are far less intense than what I use to get when I had periods.

 

4. I am bleeding currently and have two other times this year. It’s not the color of a period, it’s a small amount but it’s an issue.

5. I am not getting as lubricated as I use to during sex or anything sexual. I use to be very easy to get wet and stay wet. Sex was always a pleasure. Now, it’s pain. I still have a high sex drive but no matter how good something feels, I am dry or slightly wet. It ends up making sex difficult, painful and frustrating. James and I actually had a terrible fight this weekend stemming from this.

I am concerned I actually do have cervical cancer and not just pre-cancerous cells or typical HPV. I hate the “not knowing” part but need time to calm down before getting the biopsy. I had a terrible experience during the IUD insertion and I’m very nervous about my body’s reaction to the biopsy. My cervix does not like to be messed with apparently.

My fight with James and I mentioned in #5: We were at the timeshare alone in bed. Things were progressing nicely. There was a ton of kissing, touching, oral etc going on. I should have been soaked! I typically would have been…I was dry. He mentioned I wasn’t wet and I said I figured it was stress but assured him everything felt perfect. Because I wasn’t wet, I wasn’t reaching an orgasm during foreplay. I could feel his annoyance at not being able to please me. I told him I wanted sex right then. He was more than happy to give me what I wanted…but I was SO dry it was really hard to get comfortable. We kept switching positions and he finally said he knew it had to be hurting me because it was hurting him. I agreed and we stopped. He was on his back and not making eye contact. I touched his hand and he said, “You are not satisfied with me anymore because you have been with bigger guys.” I assured him that was not at all the issue and told him I didn’t want bigger, I wanted him. I told him I think it is stress/anxiety in my everyday life that is carrying over and it is worse because of the doctor’s news. He didn’t seem convinced and said he was going to smoke and then watch a bit of TV on the couch. He said he wanted a minute. I asked him to come to bed soon, went to the bathroom for my nightly routine then went to climb in bed. He never came to bed. Saving the details, he was either on the couch or in another bed the whole night, wasn’t making eye contact and giving me one word answers. I cried ALL night. He didn’t even respond to me. He always responds to me when I’m upset but especially when I cry.

Once I began crying I physically couldn’t stop. I would fall asleep and wake myself up by sobbing. It was weird. I hated it. It went on for about 12hrs! It finally slowed down and then we fought again over this whole deal. I cried more. I cried on and off from 4am-2am. 22hrs of tears is insane.

What is wrong with me?