self control

The twins are sick, their mother is sick. I am eating a ton of fruit, taking vitamins and praying. I’ll murder somebody if I get sick. I am going home Wednesday for a doctor’s appointment, observing Thursday for school, and coming back Friday afternoon. I need my time away from the twins, the dogs, my boss and her boyfriend. Our house is so insane sometimes. I just want to watch TV, cuddle up under a throw blanket, sleep naked, see my cat etc.
I am not talking to James. He hasn’t tried to contact me and I have not contacted him but it drives me insane! I want him to care, I want him to text/call but he won’t. It bothers me. I keep having dreams about our dog and I wake up crying but I can’t find out how he is because I won’t give in and text/call James. I need to find all my inner strength for this. Over time it will be easier but it is rough right now.
Still have my Matt crush but again, nothing new.
Saw my hairdresser briefly yesterday…literally waved from across the street and kept going. Totally threw him off, he expected me to come to him with the twins and my boss. Forget that, we were busy and he isn’t worth it. He is an amazing hairdresser and anyone living near NYC should go see him but don’t bother fucking him, you’ll be let down.
I am trying to eat healthier but I have no self control. I took most of the junk out of the house and thought I was going to be better. My boss agreed it was a good idea, and then she brought home a ton of candy and cookies. I’ve been non-stop eating. She sabotaged me! I just need to learn self control.
A woman who wants me to watch her daughter a few mornings a week called last night. I am about to call her back. I need the extra money.
I saw my Jew crew for the holidays. It was wonderful. They were all so sweet and well behaved. I really feel at home in their house, with their friends and family. Even in their shul I am comfortable. My littlest love is 4 today! That’s insane to me. She is gorgeous and sweet and smart! I miss her everyday still.