My usual send-off

2009 is coming to a close…I always review the year…let us begin:

WORK

I have had the same job all year…I love it and hate it of course. Thankfully there is much more love than there is hate. The children have been fun, we have had a few nice trips and many good times. I enjoy their parents even when we don’t see eye to eye. All is well with my job even when I feel overworked and underpaid. It is not often I feel overwhelmed or miserable…overall the best job I have had hands down! The children have each grown so much! The oldest (6yr on 1/13) is reading much better, he is more polite, he is more mature. He has grown up a lot. He cries much less and “hates the world” very rarely now. He is fun to play board games with and enjoys one on one time together. He’s such a sweetheart although difficult at times. He is very opinionated and learning what is not appropriate to say out loud. The second child has really calmed down and grown up this year. She just turned 5yrs old and is maturing so much! She use to throw fits that lasted hours…each day. Now they are rare and much shorter. We have had one major one in the past month or two. She use to pee in her pants out of pure laziness, she now uses the bathroom every time.. she hasn’t had an accident in months. She is learning to read and writes beautifully, she loves dressing up and playing pretend, she is becoming aware of her attitude and ways to control it. She is a beautiful little girl although trying and stubborn! The baby is no longer a baby. She is 2yrs old! She is full of joy and wonder. She loves to read, sing and play with friends. She talks a lot and is forming excellent sentences! She had a year of huge growth both physically and mentally. She learned to walk, went through physical therapy, mastered climbing and running! She has a huge vocabulary and uses such tone and intonation. She is hysterical and knows it! She loves her babies and toy food, as well as books and going out on errands. She has been sick a lot this fall/winter but remains in high spirits.

My love/social life:

I think everyone who has ever read my entries knows about James.. This was a rough year for us. It was the end of a very big part of my life. James and I fought most of January-July. We stopped talking in July after a hurtful conversation and tried to patch things up in October/November. That produced one excellent night in November and a fight the following day. We didn’t speak for a few weeks, then the final fight of December. We are 100% not speaking. I told him I was walking away from a relationship, a friendship, everything. He said he would have married me before July…before December even he thought we had a chance…I think that was the first major lie since our first year together. 9yrs is a lot of time to have a person in your life in the way James was in mine and I was in his. We are both going to struggle for a while with this but we cannot go back…we are over. We both made major mistakes and destroyed the trust we had built.

In addition to James, I was a busy girl this year. I think I slept with more people this year than ever before. I’m not sure if this should bother me, but it doesn’t. I was with James (obviously had been before), Derek (had been before), Brian (new), Brett (new), Mike M (new), Mike T (new), Chris G (new), Dave (had been before)…I think that is all of them this year….that is a long list but not one I regret.

I’ve met a lot of great new people as well as some not so great ones! I have become much close to Lisa this year, saw Amanda 3 times, and met a host of new guys. It’s been a good year for me socially even though I’m only off one day a week.

Mental health:

My anxiety level has been decent. I have done really well without anxiety attacks and I’m off the medication. I have an anxiety attack or a high anxiety day(s) on occasion but nothing major really. I eat terribly but that’s just me. My weight is stable, my moods are decent, overall I’m okay. I cry often but not nearly as often as I use to! I sometimes go a month or more without tears…it use to be a daily occurrence.

I wanted to pay down debt this year…I have done very well. My once credit card is down to $250. My loans have shrunk a huge amount…my interest rates lowered for always paying on time and more than the asking amount. I bought very few personal items for myself…I’m proud. Christmas I kept under budget and was very pleased with what I bought for people.

I also wanted to stop biting my nails and begin a running routine…maybe 2010 will be my year for those things…

What do I really want in 2010?

I’d love a stable relationship with one guy! I’d like an acceptance letter to graduate school. I’d like a nice vacation.. involving an airplane ride. I’d like to be more physically fit (running is the thing I do enjoy). I’d like to learn to drive without anxiety attacks. I’d like to re-connect with a few old friends…Marie and Jon especially.

Everyone have a happy, healthy and safe New Year!!