My sister’s husband

This entry was written yesterday evening…
 
I am slowly moving beyond my feelings of anxiety and worthlessness. Each time somebody doubts me; I rise above their opinions and prove them ignorant.
My sister’s husband told my mother and aunt that I would be a “nowhere person” and never be anything in life or love. Wait…what? Are you fucking kidding me??
He was a college student at community college, dropped out and married his high-school girlfriend. She left within six months (he says she had a mental condition), he joined the military to prove he was stronger than his mother (his words), he did his time and did well I hear but nothing spectacular, he took a phlebotomist course and worked in a hospital for a little while, met my sister, went to a college in Long Island for one semester but hated it and left, married my sister and finished his degree near their house in upstate NY while working in a hospital, was fired from the hospital for disputes between him and an entire medical department (not sure which one), is going to medical school in the fall and leaving my sister 2hrs away. He has decided he needs an apartment and she will stay in their house with the two dogs. He doesn’t want to deal with her for at least his first year of medical school (his words). He believes they are just at that “point in their marriage” where they need a little time apart. He also believes most medical conditions are in a person’s head and do not need treatment.
You are telling me that somebody who drops out of multiple colleges and fails in a marriage after 6months has room to discuss my life? I NEVER told my family my opinion of him and all the insanely asshole shit he does but now he judges my life choices and gives his opinion to my family as if he has known me for years? He married my sister 2yrs ago, they dated a year…we have not lived within 100 miles of each other for more than 6months total over that time! He has conversations with me less than monthly. I’m disgusted that my sister would ever marry a man like him. She cries almost daily because of the way he treats her but she will stay in this marriage until he chooses to leave. She does not ever want to be the “divorced” one in our family. Our father was married years before meeting our mother for a very short time and it has always bothered my sister. Only 1 of our aunts out of 11 aunts and uncles has been divorced and none of our cousins or second cousins has been divorced. There are almost 200 blood relatives in our family that are married with success of more than 5yrs. Most have been much longer, some 65+ years.
I wonder how many are miserable and hiding it. Statistically there should be quite a few divorces amongst the group. It is part of our upbringing to “be happy” with what you have. My father has put his foot down about this subject and engrained it into our (my) heads that we are not to settle for anything less than the best. If my father knew half of what my sister’s husband says or does, her husband would not be alive. My father would think nothing of having him murdered instantly.
I am well aware that I have relationship issues. I use sex as a comfort. I run back to James even after he hurts me mentally. I am insecure about my body and my abilities. I often allow fear and anxiety to overrule my heart and head. I am not saying I am without flaws but I will never allow a man to treat me as my sister is treated. He controls my sister’s schedule, work, eating habits, friends, phone calls and hobbies. He tells me sister she is; stupid, idiotic, insane, a burden, fat, disgusting, pig-like, frumpy, grotesque, fucked-up, child-like etc. He truly believes he does no wrong and she is lazy and ignorant. My sister is their sole income, the maid, the cook, the dog groomer and trainer, the handyman, and the landscaper. I was visiting for the first time in 3yrs and as I laid outside reading she mowed an entire lawn, weeded the vegetable garden, trimmed four large trees, and then had me help her make ice-cream and tomato sauce from scratch as well as bathe both dogs all while he “planned” a gate in his head. He never picked up a tool or wrote anything down. He simply sat on a chair and watched her work while saying he was “planning.” He then yelled at her that she trimmed too many branches on one tree and that the dogs dug a hole under the porch (he never built the gate to keep them out of that area). The next day he watched TV from 8:30am till 6pm, stopping to get lunch off the counter that my sister had to go buy from a deli for him before returning to the TV. He said he needed to catch up on his Netflix. At 6pm he went outside and cut one piece of wood for 45minutes. My sister had to go to work at night and he and I were expected at my aunt’s house for a 6:30dinner. We arrived at 7:45 and my aunt was beyond pissed. He told my aunt my sister made us late. I told her the truth and we argued in front of her. Not one of my finer moments but it was necessary.
 
Somehow this entry about myself ended up as a rant about my sister’s husband. I apologize. I will bullet the rest for time’s sake.
*I had a terrible vacation overall but it was great to spend a bit of time with my sister.
*James has been VERY distant lately but he has sent some texts or had very short conversations. He said he’s a little overwhelmed right now and just trying to deal with it his way. He did apologize and tell me he missed me and was thinking of me even when we don’t speak. I am okay with this but not liking it.
*I speak to my law student crush every day or two via text and we talk on the phone once in a while. I’ve been away and he’s been moving so it’s been a bit rough but we are enjoying the “getting to know you” phase and will hopefully have dinner one night this week.
*I have a lot planned for the next few weeks. A Philly trip, a CT trip, some beach days, a day with Dan, hopefully seeing my law crush, maybe an Amanda visit, a Lisa visit etc.
*I spent the past week away with the twins and my boss. It was a terribly unrelaxing time. We were in the Hamptons…they hate the sand, the ocean, heat, listening, sleeping in new places, eating vegetables or anything new etc. Their grandmother was there a few days and spoiled them with toys and junk food and breaking all the rules. Then the boyfriend came and my boss was basically dry humping him and making out with him the entire time.
*My leg is KILLING me. Specifically my knee is killing my but also my left hip. I hope I didn’t tear something. Calling my doctor if it last another 3 days.
*On the Jitney (Hampton’s bus) home to NYC. Can’t wait to sleep in my own bed tonight. Kids will be there a half hour-hour later than me. I need to make beds before they arrive.