Avoiding TLC

I have a job for September. I feel so much better having that figured out. My schedule involves a ton of commuting but I’m fine with that. I just have to figure out the best routes and most cost-efficient ways. My week appears to be Monday and Thursday off, Tuesday and Wednesday nights I have classes, Friday morning- Sunday night I am working as a live-in nanny on the upper-east side for 11month old twins.

I’m excited to start graduate school. I’m excited to start a new job. I’m excited to learn the city better. I’m excited to see my parents and relatives a bit more.

I’m nervous to start graduate school. Will I have friends? Can I stay focused? Can I handle the work load? I’m nervous to start a new job. Will I enjoy the twins? Will I favor one? Will I like their mother? Can I handle not having weekends free?

I’m sad to leave my current family. I truly love all of them. The older two will be fine. They are decent with change. They are use to people leaving them. I am going to stay in contact through face book and skype. The baby (almost 3yrs old) does not know anyone else but me when it comes to daily care. She loves her parents but we have a bond unique to us. She is starting school in a few weeks and losing me. Can she handle it? Can I?

Derek is a sweetheart and I’m completely head over heels for him. This being said, he is always traveling for work. He’s been across the country since I saw him last. I saw him on a Saturday, he flew out Monday morning. He came back 12days later for 48hrs then he flew out again. He’ll be back in a week and a half but probably only for a day or two again. “Back” is still about 2.5-3 hrs from our parents’ homes. He probably will be back on a weekend…guess who works on weekends starting that weekend?? That’s right.

Right now I am trying to figure out my pay compared to my bills. Let’s hope the pay number is the bigger one.

I’m feeling good. I’m a wave of emotions but I’m okay. Stable.

I miss James some days. I don’t most days. I’m doing well there. I’ll miss him more the days I’m at my parent’s house because there are so many reminders of him there. I am going to put all his pictures and clothes in a box. I won’t get rid of them but I’ll put them out of sight. That will help me I think.

I am going to go home this weekend and clean out my room. I have a ton of shit I do not need. I’m going to put some in a box for a yard-sale my sister wants to have and put the rest in a bag to throw away. If my sister decides not to have her sale, that stuff will be donated in a month. I don’t need to become a TLC Hoarders special.