09/16/2010

I have a wake to attend today. Grace was an amazing woman and will seriously be missed beyond words. She was sick for a long time (a year and a half) but it is still hard to know she is gone. Her family is my family. We are all deeply saddened but also relieved for her. We know she wanted to pass, wanted to be out of pain and misery, out of the body that failed her. This is what she wanted so that does make it a bit easier.

Mike and I are enjoying each other. We went out Monday night and yesterday morning. We had drinks Monday night and spent quite a few hours just laughing together and being that adorable couple. yesterday morning we had breakfast. It was nice just talking and asking life questions without being too serious or having pressure on either of us. It was our first non-sexual date really. The other ones we always end up all over each other but this was a cute date. It was hand holding, talking and smiling. It was a kiss or two but nothing overly passionate or sexually driven. I really loved this date.

Classes are going well. I have a feeling I know so much more about education than the other students just because I have the experience. I try not to speak out a ton in class but I’m dying to speak up and contribute. My professors are looking for people to contribute and I’m a talker! It’s tough. I don’t want students to resent me or hate me but I want to add my knowledge to the classroom and learn from my professors since my peers act mute.

The commute is okay. I am adjusting to it. I have been traveling a bit more than I will be because of the wake plans, waiting for text books, and helping Grandma.

Grandma cannot clean and take care of her house alone. Nobody is helping her but me. It’s tough. I want her to get all the assistance she needs but everyone else is too busy to wash her floor, sweep her floor, clean her refrigerator out etc. She just needs minimal help, maybe a half hour a week. My one aunt (she lives 3hrs away) pays my other aunt to clean weekly for Grandma. She does such a shitty job if she even comes!! I am angry, annoyed and sad to see Grandma treated this way.

James and I spoke for the first time in a few months. He told me he was doing methadone for the past 2yrs or more….been clean since July 20th now. I feel like it is the closure I needed. I needed to know it really wasn’t my fault. I was the victim of his drug habit. The victim of his attempt to rid himself of this terrible drug. He didn’t ask for forgiveness but apologized for his actions and words. I did not tell him it was okay, I said I understood but did not accept it. He agreed that was better than he could expect given his behaviors.