tears of green

i woke up with nightmares this morning. i don’t think i would have if people would have let me sleep straight through but i kept being woken up to be informed of everything being changed around.

i know that sounds dumb. people usually WANT to be informed if there’s a plan change but here’s the thing- the only change that involved me was that i didn’t hafta wait until two to have the car bc the volunteer time had been changed and my parents somehow took a personal offense (“why ask for volunteers then go and change the time the night before? it’s just rude!”) and they went off to run some errands and said they’d be back shortly. i was like ‘uhmm.. *passout*’

all i remember of my dreams is that me and rob were wrestling and i was on top of him (not in a sexual way bc he rilly is a wrestler and we’re just friends, even if we harmlessly flirt). anyways, i pushed my arm against him him in some sort of choke hold or something and he started bleeding a little from his right eye and eyebrow. i didn’t think i was causing it so i pushed a little harder and he bled a little harder so i stopped and told him he was bleeding.

he sat up (so now i was sittingf more in his lap with my legs sticking out behind him) and he said it’s bc we were weren’t on a wrestling line. i saw some taped lines on a wall and pointed them out. he got all happy like ‘yea! those’re wrestling lines!’ and started scooting backwards so his ass would line up with it bc the line ran across the floor, tho it was only taped along the wall. the tape was white. i looked around while we scooted (bc he was doing all the work) and saw random spectrum kids (the group i know him from) and i didn’t actually see lindsey (his gf)  but i felt her presence there and i thought about saying ‘this looks bad,’ bc yea. the way we were moving woulda looked bad.

but i never got to say it bc i start to turn my head forward (from looking to my right) just as his butt lines up with the line and when i look forward i’m in a tall backed and sided chair made with thin cushions and sticky leather i look forward and rob is rushing at me and his face is all distorted. i couldn’t make out details but he was angry. it was terrifying really, bc rob isn’t that way at all. i’ve wanted to go to rob’s all day and just give him a hug to make sure he isn’t scary like that. it was really, very frightening. what prolly made it so scary is the fact that there was no resolution. he began to ruch me, i felt myself brace and then i woke up.

i didn’t like it. i never have nice dreams when i want.. come to think of it, i never have nice dreams period. i hardly even have nice daydreams. dammit.

however, i did have a nice realization. with my final full week in view, i’ve made an accomplishment. i’m being published! yea. one of the poems mr. jackson sent off is actually being published by the anthology. plus, i won that award last night that i wanted so badly last year.. this year is ending so nicely. now, if when i get my copy of the jazz disc, angel eyes is good, i can so die happy.

a choral resume, two more concerts, a day of jazz clinics and a senior book to fill and this will all be over for another four or five years..

how sweet..

~debbi