it hurts to inhale

i’m tipped off of some wine that i bought and i have some cobra and i have jenn out in the common room with christie, but i needed to write in here real quick.

life is sucking right now, but in the strangest way possible. owen was hitting on some girl tonight, joey still hasn’t called me back to play red&black, os told me he found a girl and now i’m fucking watching lord of the rings which reminds me so much of nick. i am so tempted to just climb into bed and try to cry but i’m not going to bc i know i’ll be alright. some day i’ll find someone who i don’t mind living with and i’ll convince myself i love him and i’ll settle down and feel something everyday. i won’t know whether it’s longing or wishing or sommin else.. maybe it’ll be like that secret kiss that wendy’s mother had saved until peter pan came and stole it away with all his baby teeth.. all i know is i keep seeingh the shire and everything floods all at once and i know that i’ll never be sam’s wife ever. it’s just so sad to think about it. everything i ever like or love is rarely returned and there’s nothing i can do about it.

well, nothing except get drunk and fall asleep with noises playing in the background.

~debbi