i could be mean

who just had a blast? me, gina, amy, tommy and jeremy. david stopped by for a few but he didn’t join in bc he he has his final day of school tomorrow so he had to leave.

but yea. we went and listened to music forever. gina and i painted on tommy’s celing. then we all watched a movie. amy was so into it and kept yelling if me and tommy got in the way of the tv (bc me and him were lying on a matress on the floor in front bc amy was stretched on ‘jeremy’s bed’ and jeremy and gina were on ‘tommy’s bed’). oh! and me and tommy got into this wrestling match. we were going full at it too. i think he was at least. i know i was. he would get my legs locked then i would twist over and free my legs. there was one point where he thought he had my upper body restrained and i swung my feet up and flipped myself head over heels and i heard jeremy go ‘what? now tommy’s gonna fuck you! that’s crazy limber!’ aw, but i haven’t had such.. CLEAN fun in ages. it was awesome. AWESOME! then we went outside and played vietnam and i got eaten by bugs and gina was picking up all the cicadas and trying to catch fireflys. great times.

then we decide to go to chipotle to eat. after we eat, we go outside and some ‘cool’ guys drive by and blow an airhorn at us and jeremy goes ‘volosa rapter! (sp?)’ and chases after their car around the dan parking lot! it was hilarious! i don’t think those guys knew what to do bc they drove slow enough for jeremy to keep up and blew the airhorn again but only circled once and then drove away. we talked some with dude from chipotle and then we parted ways with jeremy.

we stopped at tommy’s so he could get some shit, i dropped gina and amy off at home and then took tommy home to his mom’s, downtown by bogarts. that place was fucking crazy! police everywhere bc they was some sorta game or concert that had just let out. so we had to go an extra long way to his place.

but on the way, me and tommy talked about my driving and about ‘the kiss.’ i told him about nick. he said ‘no offense, but in long distance relationships like that and i’m not saying in yours, people usually cheat.’ now that i think about, i’m not sure whethre he means nick cheating on me, or whether he means i’ll cheat on nick. i don’t intend to but.. that’s a sad way to think. that you’re doomed from the start.

plus, i like having nick around, even if he is only a voice on the phone when he can spare some time at ass-o-clock in the morning. i don’t particularly mind the whole no-pictures-no-letters thing bc i know he’s older and is too busy for that puppy love shit. it’s not as important to him as it is to me. even now, it’s growing less as important, either bc i’m getting busier or bc i know i’m not going to get it.. EVER. in fact, even though he says he’s going to, i doubt he’ll come up here. i don’t doubt that he wants to, and that if he had abundant means he would, but i dunno. i doubt he will. if he does, i’ll swallow all my words and lather affections on him until he drowns in them.

you know, i even told my work that. i said i woud need a week off for orientation in south cari and possibly a week off for if/when my boyfriend comes up from georgia (‘and even then, i might only need evenings off. other than that, i’m all yors til i leave in august!’ i got the job starting pay at $7.50). maybe when i start working i can send him money to come up here. of course, my mom would be wondering where the fuck all my cash would be going, but i don’t care. i’d be making more than enough.

and about the other stuff i talked to tommy about, that was still about nick.. yea, it does bother me. a bit. a big bit. yet, i can’t tell him to stop. i’ve even tried starting again so i could call myself a hypo if i tried to tell him to stop once. i just know that THAT, in that quantity won’t do any good. look what happened to kris and scott. look how scott mosely and ronnie wells are compared to greg frey. look at how i was. the irony? i stopped cold bc of him and that night at richie’s (a combo of both really.. and i’d like to think a little bit of self will). he leaves, comes back to pick up and now we’re switched.

damn, i’m tired. i’m going to bed.

~debbi