baa baa black sheep

so many sad things! my last entry was downtrodden but i don’t feel so bad anymore, even considering today was a horrible, awful, terrible day.

sherri died wednesday leaving lil destiny all alone. i was fine yesterday until we sang water night. today we buried her and the service was completely religious which was what stephy had arranged. only stephy enjoyed it. mamaw, papaw and everyone else- it left no closure. sherri didn’t look like herself laying there. her hands looked fake and she wasn’t in her jeans and her cigarette wasn’t in her her hand. she was too relaxed. kitty didn’t take it very well. she had to go home and miss the whole thing but mom came and met us at the cemetary for the last part. after rubbing rubbing michael’s early death in everyone’s face (thanks to stephy) the priest put the chairs over michael’s grave. david got so mad. we went back to mamaw’s and ate and tried to have a good time. it was alright. since dessy was off with other people, it was just like they weren’t there for some reason other than being dead.

36. sherri was on dialysis bc she’d drank too much, slept too much, done too many drugs, whatev. she had two kids. gave up one, fought for the other. they were both there today. 36 damn years. we’d talk out on the porch about family sometimes. she told me how she was the black sheep of the family. the hillbilly spill-your-guts-randomly way of doing things. i loved it. i saw her today and barely recognized her. it’s so strange to think that only a few hours before that i’d seen greg pick ronnie up and carry him outa the class with swallen right behind with the whol class crackin up. that in creative writing tahnee had made a pirate hat for sean and written ‘mr. mcmeat’ on it. that sean and i had laughed so hard on our way to lunch that i was in danger of wetting myself and drew had to unlock the bathroom for me.

when i got home i took a bath and fell asleep with the window open. i had a steady flow of dreams but i was half awake, trying to keep myself in the warm water which wasn’t really warm anymore. i woke up an hour or so later and stood shivering, not realizing how cold i’d been the whole time. my hands are still a lil wrinkled and fingertips numb. my throat’s a lil scratchy from all the smoke i’ve been inhaling today. my next task is to go see how kitty’s handeling her corpse experience.

it’s funny though. i don’t feel all that bad. although i’m cold and i need to go refill my drink, i’m really rather content. today could’ve been worse and although we stilll need to go out for hard drinks to put sherri to rest (which WILL happen soon.. fuck you stephy. you’re not invited) i think i’ll sleep pretty good tonight.

~debbi