we sing with each other over webcam… do you?

I have been putting off writing for fear that I would write too long of an entry. There has been a lot of talking over the past couple days. Its insane really…

The time nears for Rob to be deployed. He is leaving somewhere in between the 4-9 of April. I am not prepared. I am scared. I am worried. I am proud. He got his orders about where he is going and when he will have an address so atleast I have some idea of when I will hear from him. Probably about a month and a half to 2 months after he has left. Every time I think about it I get upset… We had that dreaded convesation about Iraq. He said that he is going to give his number to his dad so that if something happens…. heh. *cries* But atleast this way I will know… instead of waiting by the mailbox hoping to see the next letter.

I am worried about him… he is fighting mind demons right now and I am so very worried for him. We talked yesterday about things… some things that he said he wasn’t ready to tell me. I can understand that… I just hope that if he isn’t talking to me that he is talking to someone… I would hate for him to be dealing with that on his own. We were both in tears last night. But the more conversations we have like that the closer we become. Atleast we are somewhere on the same page…

"i have to change a lot of things about me too" 

 "that and I have to calm down on some things"

I am glad that we are both out to improve on ourselves… that we both recognize that we have things in our own lives that we have to work on. That he is mature enough to realize these things about himself and is more then willing to work on them as I am with myself. Times will be hard and I am sure that there will be days that I sit and cry and worry like there is no tomorrow, but I also see myself as lucky to have a bond like this with someone. I used to think I would never be blessed with something this amazing again. Whether we work out together or we are just friends… this bond will always be there and always be strong. It is that bond… that connection that gives me that little push to keep fighting when I want to give up.

After such a deep conversation we tried to cheer each other up… how did we accomplish that? Well his roommate started jumping on the webcam and saying hi, then he started singing and he was pretty good. Then Rob joined in and was singing. It was amazing *smiles* *butterflies* and soon I was singing. Webcam karaoke! I had such a great time. So the ups and downs continue… but I am happy because I know that everything will be ok.

So… back to my room to keep cleaning it. Just thought that I would take a break for a bit.