Twilight was awesome!

 

 

Well I finally saw Twilight today! I loved it. It was different from the book, there were parts that weren’t even in the movie, and parts they kind of added in but all in all it was great. I can’t wait for it to come out on DVD because I am so buying it. Makes me want to read the books again but I am going to wait until Chris deploys to start reading the series again. I might even read The Host again. Its another Stephanie Meyers book, and it was really good.

I can’t get over how awesome the movie was. Kristen Stewart was awesome…. she fit the part perfectly.

Right now I find myself sitting on the floor in the living room surrounded by laundry. Piles and piles of laundry. But atleast its getting done.

Chris and I bought a laptop for him yesterday so he is playing with his new toy right now. The webcam works so now all we have to do is get a working webcam for me so Chris and I can see each other while he is gone.

Seems like our time together is ticking away so fast…. but strangely enough the closer it comes the more numb I feel to it. I have my moments where I think about it and get depressed about it, but I snap myself out of it and go on with the day. Night is when I am the worst…. as he and I are lying down in bed together but I am trying to get a handle on that.

Thanksgiving is coming up soon. Its a short work week this week and then a vacation. December is going to fly by with so much that has to get done with Christmas coming up.

And not long after that….. Chris will deploy.

I find myself looking around the apartment… thinking how things will be when Chris isn’t around. I look at our pictures all over the living room, look at the kitchen and see the calender on the fridge, our bedroom with his side of the bed, his side of the closet, his computer desk, his stuff in the bathroom, his towel on the rack…. and I picture 6+ months without him being around the house. Its almost like the scenes from the movies when memories surface and they show the person that whomever is remembering and then they fade away…. that is how it is when I look around the house now. I see him sitting at his desk right now… but in just a couple months…. he won’t be sitting there anymore…. and I watch him fade away and see an empty chair.

Ahhhh my mind….. so normal.

I look around at the piles of clothes on the floor and realize that in a couple months his clothes won’t be in these piles anymore…. it will just be mine.

Just me and my things…. alone.

Heh. You know it would be nice if I could just turn my mind off sometimes.

No such luck as of yet.

I notice that I have been feeling….. off. I can’t really explain how it is that I feel or what exactly I am feeling. I just fall into these moments where everything seems off balance and I am just trying to stand steady and not crash over. Its something that I can’t really explain it. But I have been noticing it more and more. Chris sees it too and will ask what is wrong but I always tell him nothing because I couldn’t put into words what it is that I feel, its just something feels off balance. I don’t know how else to try to explain it.

Everyone keeps telling me that I will be fine and everything will be ok. I know that in my heart everyone is right, I just deal with it differently. People talk to me about it all the time, but I keep telling them that this is better then our other option and we will make it through and time will fly by.

Sometimes I believe myself.

Other times I don’t.

Either way it will be an interesting experience. Being alone but not being alone.

*sigh*

And I don’t know what the NoJoMo challenge for today… maybe I should go check?

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life