there has got to be something

I decided to think of some things to look forward to… in order to break up some of this time

1. the possibility of Rob’s r&r in August

2. the letter that he wrote me on the plane to Iraq (which I should get within the next 3 weeks hopefully)

3. the first phone call from him

4. the end of this horrible semester

5. May 20- Amanda day

6. the week I live with Amanda

7. the first day of my 1st summer job

8. the first day of my 2nd summer job (if I can get 2)

9. the first day of my summer classes (if I can afford any)

10. May 15- the release of Linkin Parks new album

11. going to Buffalo to see my grammommy

12. June- because once that car payment is made then I will OWN my car!!!!

13. when I reach 125 lbs

14. my 23rd birthday

15. getting my first tattoo

There are times that I just want to scream… I hate thinking that he is in Iraq now. And the news is not helping but I seem to find myself glued to the news when I see it on. I am trying to not think about it, I really am, but sometimes… alright all the time I just can’t stop thinking about it… worrying about him.

I feel smothered by everything right now. I don’t know what is going on with me right now. My mum is driving me crazy… she started fighting with me about my driving last night… it was 12am. There is just so much on my mind and I wish that I could just talk to him and tell him but I can’t. I won’t lie… I am lucky. I am lucky to have his love at all… I know that there are people out there that don’t have love like we do which, in turn, makes me lucky. There are people in my life that don’t understand him and me, but I do not care about them. Let them think what they want and say what they want.

I don’t understand what is wrong with the world… this war, Virginia Tech… what is going on? We are all people… all humans made of the same skin and bones. Yes there are ethnic differences, gender differences, religious differences, but we are all still humans. We are all living on this Earth together. Why does it take something as horrible and as devastating as 9/11 or Virginia Tech or Columbine to bring us together? When did it come down to that? I don’t know what happened to us all… we have lost our compassion. The world is so focused on looks and money and status that we all neglect to see what is really important and right in front of us. We are destroying each other… and for what? There is no good reason. Bush is running us into the ground…. we are following him there. What ever happened to the pursuit of happiness… it seems almost unattainable in the world we live in today. We need to stand together and unite as people. The world is crumbling around us…. who is up to the challenge to save it?