take him and cut him up in little stars

From Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo and Juliet

~ And when I shall die, take him and cut him up in little stars, and he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will fall in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. ~                                                                                                                                                                                        – Juliet

I guess it is time for me to write this all down in more detail…. not many people have said anything about him or asked about him, but I want to write this all down anyway… for my memory, for myself.

Before Rob… I was struggling with myself. I wanted to be with Chris, but I didn’t. He treated me so badly sometimes, and I kept asking myself why I try? Why do I stay with him or love him so much when all he does is hurt me? I was slowly coming to grips with the fact that he and I were truely over when we got into the fight after he started being a real jerk to me. That day I cried, but not because I wanted to be with Chris, because I realized that I was saying goodbye. I was lonely and scared… but I knew that moving on would be better.

I thought that I would have been trying to move on with Shawn…. but after everything that happened I still don’t know the truth and Shawn is more different then ever. But we didn’t have a connection like this… like the one that I have with Rob. And to think that fate decided now was the time for us to meet. We met on myspace… he added me because he thought I was someone else. When he realized I wasn’t who he thought he almost deleted me, but decided that he wanted to have more friends and we started talking. As with most people I spoke to who saw my profile they all wanted to know why I was so sad. Rob and I started talking about Chris and then Shawn. He kept on giving me advice… trying to help me work it all out. He was so sweet to me… told me things that I needed to hear and things that I didn’t want to hear.

Then one day I get a message on myspace from his friend dave on his name. It says that rob really likes me, and talks about me all the time, but that he too scared to say anything. I was so happy because I was really starting to like him, the more we talked… he and his fiance broke up… me and my fiance/bf broke up…. plus all the Shawn drama… so we had a lot to talk about. But then when I asked him about it he said that his friend sent messages like that to a lot of girls on his page. I was almost hurt… because I was starting to like him so much.

But we continued to talk… everynight… and then I posted a survey on myspace….. (if you want to read the survey I am posting it at the bottom of all this… you don’t have to read it though, it will be long enough as it is)…. and his answers made me think that maybe he liked me. We were talking on aim…. and he asked me if I liked him at all… and what if he asked me out…. if I would be with him. I couldn’t believe it! We kept talking… more and more…. hours and hours… everyday. Then he asked me out and I said yes.

From there we talked about everything…. family, school, work, the army, our pasts, the future, friends, love, heartbreak, destiny…. we talk about everything. He told each other things that other people don’t know…. he told me something that no one knows about him, something he thought he was going to take to the grave with him and I told him things that no one knows, that hurt me deeply, opening myself up to him. But I wasn’t scared, I trust him. And I know I must sound crazy because we have never actually met in person, but I wasn’t scared to open up to him. We kept talking… everynight. He told me that I am the one for him and I believe that he is the one for me, we saved each other when we thought that we were dead. He revived me…. breathing life into me that I thought I would never feel again.

I am scared though… he is leaving for Iraq on May 7, and he will be gone for a year. That scares me more then anything…. just thinking about it makes me upset, makes me want to cry. I can’t believe that things are moving so fast, but they just feel right. So right…. I don’t know. He won’t be done in the army until 2010. He is 20 and I am 22… so I will be 26 by the time he is done. I am sad about that because I wanted to be married in the next two years and have children in the next four, but it seems that plan is going to have to be held off. And as sad as I am about that… I feel ok about it. Do I wish things were different, that he wasn’t in the army and that he wasn’t going to Iraq… yes, but that is not my reality. I want to stand by his side and support him…. and that is what I plan on doing. It will be a long and hard process for me… and when he is gone I am going to be such a wreck. But he means so much to me…. I can’t stop thinking about him.

Thanksgiving is not coming fast enough. He is buying his ticket today and I am so excited. I just want to see him… he told me that when he sees me in the airport if I can pick him up… that he is going to run to me and pick me up and twirl me around and whisper "I love you" in my ear. That is all I think about… and thinking about it now brings tears of joy to my eyes. He makes me feel…. so happy. I never thought that I would be happy again. I never thought that I would fall in love again, but then Rob came into my life.

I have never been so scared in my life, I feel like I am living in a dream… I am afraid that I am going to wake up one morning and everything about Rob isn’t going to be real… it feels that wonderful….

it feels that perfect. I know that people might think that he and I are moving too fast, but I am following my heart from now on. Following my head doesn’t get me the things I want or need, I tend to over think things a lot! And with Rob, I am following my heart and my heart says this is the right thing to do. I love him so much, and last night… last night we had a conversation about the future and us together, forever. And that felt so right to. He is everything that I have been looking for, he is everything that I need and want. He is Robert Thomas Terry…. and I love him with all that I am.

~*~ maybe I am insane…. maybe I am moving too fast… maybe this is all just a lie….. maybe Rob doesn’t love me at all…. maybe I am stupid for falling like this… but it feels right. I believe that he is telling me the truth… and will believe that until otherwise is proven…. so now I wait to see what happens and if this is a lie then so be it…. but I am happy right now… and I am going to hold onto the happiness as long as I can ~*~

Thank you for reading all of this… any of you who did… it means a lot to me! More then you know.

SURVEY

If you want boys to answer this then post "BOYS ONLY"
If you want girls to answer this then post "GIRLS ONLY"

and be completely honest.

what would you do if?
1. I was right next to you: Anything you wanted
2. I kissed you: Hmmm dont ask me that
3. I lived next door to you: Be your best friend
4. I started smoking: Curse you out
5. I was hospitalized: I would go crazy
6. I was drunk: Protect you
7. i hugged u: Feel so perfect.
I asked you to leave: would break down
9. I asked you out: Don’t ask me that guestion either

what do you think about my?
10. personality:great
11. eyes:perfect
12. hair: beutiful
13. body: Hmmmm do you realy want to know

would you?
14. be my friend? Well arent we
15. keep a secret if i told you one? Yea i do that all the time
16. kiss me? Hmmmmm…. What do you think
17. go on a date with me? What do you think
18. keep in touch? Yea
19. date me? of course your the best person that i know

have you ever?
20. lied to make me feel better? No
21. wanted to kiss me? Hmmmm, i have to admit yea
22. wanted to bite me? Hmmmm i bite but not that hard lol
23. kept something important from me? No i try to tell you everythin
24. wanted to cuddle with me? Yea

and more.
25. who are you? Im your friendly neighborhood spider-man
26. are we friends? Hmmmm I dont know
27. when and how did we meet? On accident
28. describe me in one word: perfect
29. what was your first impression? damn she’s hot
30. what reminds you of me? Rachel (my ex fiance)
31. if you could give me anything what would it be? anything you wanted
32. how well do you know me? All that you tell me
33. when’s the last time you saw me? Only in pics but today
34. ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t? Yea
35. are you gonna post this so you can see what I say? yea

You must answer all these questions and send them back to me and please dont hold back, be complety honest…
Y= Yes
N = No
M= Maybe

Would/will you?
[y ] come to my house to do nothing at all but chill?
[n ] fight me?
[m ] kiss me?
[y ] let me kiss you?
[y ] watch a movie with me?
[y ] go out to dinner with me?
[y ] Sing car karaoke w/ me?
[y ] re-post this for me to answer your questions?
[y ] hold my hand?
[y ] let me make you breakfast?
[y ] help me with homework?
[y ] tickle me?
[y ] let me tickle you?
[y ] instant message me?(whats your sn?:)
[y ] greet me in public?
[y ] hang out with me?
[y ] bring me around your friends?
[y ] be down with me no matter what?

D0 Y0U…
[y ] think im cute?
[y ] think im serious?
[y ] think im a good person
[n ] think im conceided?
[m ] want to kiss me?
[y ] want to cuddle with me?
[y ] love me?

AM I…
[y ] smart?
[y ] cute?
[y ] funny?
[y ] sexy?
[y ] cool?
[y ] romantic?
[n ] a *freak*?
[n ] gangsta?
[y ] loveable?
[y ] adorable?
[y ] trustworthy
[y ] compassionate?
[y ] great to be with?
[y ] attractive?
[n ] mean?
[y ] well known? to me you are

HAVE Y0U EVER…
[m ] found yourself wanting a kiss from me?
[y ] wished I were there?
[m ] had a crush on me?
[y ] wanted my number?
[n ] had a dream about me?
[y ] been distracted by me?
[y ] looked at my page more than ten times?

ARE Y0U…
[y ] happy you know me?
[y ] thinking about me?
[m ] wanting to call me to talk about these things?
[y ] going to repost this?