stupid head trolls

I finally gave in and wrote Chris a letter on myspace. I haven’t told him about it and he doesn’t check his myspace all the time so I know that he hasn’t read it yet. I just said everything that was on my mind and everything that I felt and realized recently. It was so hard for me to type it…. I was crying most of the time. I hate crying… it makes me feel like such a girl, but I find myself doing it more and more. But then I guess with everything that is going on it’s ok.

I don’t know what he will say if he says anything about it. I don’t know if it will help or make things worse, I don’t know if he will feel angry or not with what I said. I don’t want to make anything worse. I think that I will do some soul searching when I am down on the water at Jane’s house. It was just easier for me to write down everything rather then tell him. When I talk to him I can’t express what I really feel, atleast not the way I can when I write it down. I will admit that I am scared of him reading it. I hope more then anything that it helps us rather then hurt us. For those of you who want to read the letter I will post it in the next entry, but the entry will be favorites only so anyone that isn’t on my favorites list and wants to read it let me know so I can add you. I am only doing that because of Geoff… I get the feeling that he is still reading me, and I really don’t care one way or the other, but he keeps rubbing stuff in my face about everything and I am sick of his bullshit.

He sent me this nasty email through myspace demanding me to give him my gifts back, he was rude and cursing and shit… I am fucking tired of it. If he wants to hate me fine… if he wants to be an asshole fine… if he wants to treat me like I am a bitch fine… he has already said that I deserve to be treated like shit and that I am a bitch. So fuck him then. I will go on vacation and then give him MY shit back and kick him out of my life since it seems like that is what he wants. I know that he is angry, but he is making me regret everything that I did for him. I didn’t before when we could talk and I still had him as a friend, but he keeps fucking me over and shitting on me and I don’t need that. I have enough problems and he knows that I do, so why the hell does he keep adding to them? I don’t fucking care anymore… if he wants to treat me like a bitch then I can act like one. I am tried of trying to play the "more mature" person in the situation. FUCK IT THEN!!!!!!!!! Mother-fucking iuhkmnlfub;rkb asshole nvouarthkjfldkhaflaj fucking bastard liupoinmvniehkj  . Thats it I’m done.

Okay sorry everyone…. rant over…. moving on…. returning to a calm mental state…. no wait, not possible *sigh*

Chris is still working on the Bronco…. we don’t have the right MAF sensor, grrrr we are going to have to adapt one of the wrong ones. There is still so much work to be done and when we get home Chris is going to crash and that leaves me up doing everything else. I still have to wash clothes and pack and shop and OMFG! When will vacation start?!

My mind is moving a mile a min and my headache is slowly takiing on a life of its own and becoming a migraine… maybe I can get rid of my 7 day headache over vacation, but I am kinda getting used to the little trolls hammering my brain to death. Fucking trolls.

Hell…. I am such a mess.

Don’t forget Chris’s letter to follow this….