starting to wonder if it will ever happen

Well I am seriously discouraged about the whole TTC thing. I thought for sure that I was pregnant this month, I was late and I am never late but low and behold Sunday morning there it was and there went my hope of being pregnant. I tried to hide my disappointment but its so hard when everyone around me is pregnant or has a baby or wants me to be pregnant. I’m trying to take comfort in the fact that come the end of 08 if we are still not pregnant that we are going to get checked so then I will know without a doubt if we are trying in vain or if there is any hope of us being about to concieve.

*sigh*

The weekend was fun. We went out on Friday since he had off work and ran errands together and that was so much fun. I love running errands with him and even though it was raining it was still so much fun. Then on Saturday we went of Tom and Candice’s to drink and party. We ended up playing pictionary, girls vs. boys, and the girls won! Serena and Candice were so trashed but somehow we still won. Poor Chris, Tom, and Dennis lol. But we played a short game and they won that one lol. It was fun, I had a headache at the end and the guys started playing music so I went to sit outside and Chris came out and snuggled with me outside. Then he whispered in my ear "I’m so lucky to have you"

Its just those little things that make my heart melt.

Sunday… well I woke up with that wonderful monthly pain in my uterus and wanted to die. I thought that I got rid of those horrible cramps that I used to have in high school and I started taking BC and that helped the cramps a lot and now that I have stopped taking BC and started TTC my horrible cramps are back. Sleeping doesn’t help, heat doesn’t help, Aleve doesn’t help…. its awful. So Sunday (just like last month) Chris ran to Walmart and came back with soda, pastries (for some reason eating sweet stuff helps), almond joys, and flowers. Never have I gotten flowers more then once in a year but this makes 3 times this year I think. I keep telling Chris that he is spoiling me but all he says is get used to it. He is so sweet to me, I’m still getting used to it.

We played 360 for a lot of Sunday and it was so much fun to just sit on the floor playing a game with him. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh and its just so much fun. But all the fun must come to an end.

And now its Monday…. and at the end of the week he is leaving for training for a week. I’m not looking forward to him being gone but at the same time it will open my eyes more to what a 9 month deployment will be like. He told me last night that he isn’t looking forward to leaving and that he is starting to realize how much a 9 month deployment is going to suck. Heh…. no kidding. But I don’t want him to be upset to I try to be strong and remind him that he is going to be fine and I will be here when he gets home.

He had another bad dream last night, bad enough that it woke him up out of a dead sleep. That makes 3 dreams like that this weekend alone. He isn’t usually one to have bad dreams so I wonder what is going on in his mind to make him have nightmares like he has been having.

*sigh*

Well we are back on the ovulation clock again….. 15 days and counting.

But the one thing that I do have to look forward too… Samhain!

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life

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