someday the dust will settle

So just a quick entry since I am typing in my parents room and my mum is sleeping. Finally got the chance to hang out with Amanda… hell I didn’t realize how much I had really missed her til we hung out. We went to the mall and talked about the whole month we missed out of each others lives and how we should never do it again. Went to the mall and spent money, but hey thats what we do best.

Talking with Amanda just confirmed my need to better myself this year… and I know that I will have her help and backup… I have someone in my corner thankfully. Someone who really understands me and who I am and where I am coming from cause no one else really seems to get me right now. Maybe I am just insane… but then Amanda is just as insane so we go well together. My plan… not lose touch with her like that again, cause I was lost without her to talk to…

Andrew and I are still up and down but I am moving along in my plans for myself… made my budget plan for the year so I am hoping that will help with my money situation. I bought myself a new journal to write my progress down and my thoughts that I have throughout the day… I really want to get on track with my life this year. It is more important to me then ever to be happy with me. I feel like everything is up in the air and it drives me crazy not to be in control of what is going on around me. I can’t live my life that way.

I feel my bad habits coming back… I have started drinking more and more… which is not good for me so I need to get on top of that and deal with it. I am hoping my meditation will help me out a lot with that. Stress is getting the better of me right now which isn’t helping my motivation to improve. **SIGH** So just more and more things keep falling on the plate that I am trying to balance on one finger while driving a car at 100mph in the rain… and imagine that… its not really working out all that well. But I guess really only time will tell what happens.