single and dying

So Chris and I are over. The girl that I didn’t want him talking to… C, he asked her out yesterday and she said yes. So now Chris and I are just friends and I am single.

I hope with all the I have left that Chris finds what he is looking for with her. I hope that he is able to fix what is broken inside of him with her. I am so hurt right now… my insides ache and burn and I cry all the time.

So now, 22 yrs old begins I guess. I am alone and hurting and scared and angry and depressed, but I guess this is better.

So I am going to change my whole diary because it is no longer about finding love, I don’t believe in love anymore. Fairytale true love is a load of shit and I don’t believe in it anymore. Love doesn’t conquer all…

So I am going to try and find myself. I am not dating anymore… no boyfrineds or anyone. I have to come to rely on myself because no one else is going to be there for me… no one else really cares that I am dead inside.

For all of you who have read this and know what is going on… don’t tell me that everything is going to be alright and that there is love out there for me, because I don’t believe it. My heart is broken and dying and I am all alone… no one to comfort me… no one to hold me and let me cry… I am alone and scared.

So now after all of this I am going to try and find myself. I am going to work on me and forget about everyone else. I am forever single… and who knows maybe after he spends some months with C, he will come to find that feeling for me that he lost and then maybe he will come find me, but for now I am single and dead inside and I plan on staying that way

I don’t think I can survive anymore pain…