obscure

So I think I am going to hold the gun to my head and pull the trigger… ok maybe not really, but I feel like doing that sometimes. Another fight with Andrew and it figures its on our 2 months. I know that 2 months isn’t anything big, but hell at this point….

I am just tired of fighting. Things got so good and I should have known that it was too good to be true. Seems to be the way that my luck is going. But in truth I am not really that upset… more tired of it then anything. Why can’t I just be in a relationship where there isn’t this constant struggle to be… ok?! Apparently relationships aren’t my cup of tea. And I know that Andrew is probably going to read this and get really upset, but this is my diary and I can think and feel how I want to. So I will write my stress down. I deal with it better that way.

So this weekend is going to be my break… Amanda and I are going to go out. Last weekend was great…. I got to hang out with Amanda and Chris, Eric, Ally and me all got to go out and eat. It was nice to hang out like old times… and then it was snowing when I left. I had a great time. I am hoping that this weekend will be some of the same. More hanging out with Amanda… she invited me to a party and I think it will be really fun to just go out with the my bff and drink and relax away from everything. I don’t want to let the stress get to me and bring me down because I have been happy…. happy with myself and the way that my life is going. I have figured out so many things about myself and I don’t want to let myself fall back to the confused mess of a person that I was in before. I can actually say that I am happy with me as a person. I am happy with my life and my future… and I don’t want to reverse all the progress that I have made. So I am trying not to let this bring me down.

The summer is fast approaching but I know that I will be where I want to be by then. I have faith in myself and my ability to succeed… finally.