no one understands…
I wish that people could just understand me. I wish that my mum could understand… maybe she is right… maybe I talk about Rob too much. I don’t know…
I went to class today… I made it through my Trends class, made it through English Comp II… had to completely bullshit an essay, and then I went to Chem. I sat there talking to my friend Melissa who understands where I am coming from in a way… her bf is away for work… he only comes home for a week or 2, maybe a month and then is off on another job. So we were talking before class started. Then the professor comes in and starts class. I am sitting there and then my stomach starts to feel really awful. I thought that I was going to be sick right then and there, but I managed to swallow the feeling away. And then my hands started to go numb, my feet and then I couldn’t see and I started getting sweaty. I know from experience that means I am on the verge of passing out. I don’t know where that feeling came from… and was trying to avoid it, but it kept getting worse.
I barely managed to be able to walk to the bathroom. I sat down in a stall on the floor and just sat… I tried to clear my mind and calm my body. After about 10 min I was able to go back to class, with a killer migraine. I don’t know what is going on with my body right now. I almost had an asthma attack walking to my car. Maybe I should go to the doctor. I don’t understand where all this is coming from.
I have to go to CPR tomorrow with Sean from work. It starts at 9:30 so I can’t go to my class and I don’t even care. I am so sick of school… sick of my classes and the stress… sick of walking around the campus in a daze thinking about everything. I worked on my room some and I think that I will be working on it for a couple hours tonight too. I still can’t sleep.
I am going to start running tonight. Just take my iPod out and run until I can’t breath anymore. Run until my lungs are on fire… let the air slid across my face and just enjoy the night. I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow so the second that I get back from CPR I will be busy. I just want the weekend to come… so I won’t have to be bothered by my mum anymore. My father will be home, but I will be doing homework in my room all weekend. Maybe I will hang out with Aaron on Saturday… he left me a myspace comment today saying that he loved me and missed me.
I still haven’t cleaned out my car… maybe tomorrow.
I still have to make a car payment… and my cell payment.
I think that I am falling behind on everything.
I am tired of the cold… I just want the nice weather to come back.
I swear if my mum comes in here one more time to yell at me about money I am going to beat her with this keyboard I am typing on…
I always catch my self talking about Dan or about to talk about Dan. My mom hasnt gotten annoyed yet because she usually has to ask me questions about him instead of me just saying things but everything reminds me of him. I know it gets frustrating for people to get annoyed by it but just tell them that you know they dont understand and you just need someone to share it with.
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Car cleaning is the topic of everyones entry. Hmmm
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aww im sorry hun, that reli sucks about the almost passing out and stuff. becareful running that you dont over d it and have an asthma attack or pass out or anything. ofcourse your gonna talk about Rob too much, thats what you’re supposed to do 🙂 its you’re perogative! ^^; sorry i havent noted you enough. love you <3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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i’m falling behind on my payments too. It depresses me to no end. I’m even restricting my eating because i feel irresponsible and “out of control.”
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Babe, sorry about all the things that are going on with you. I know it’s hard and you can’t do a lot of it, you just have to find ways to keep your mind occupied. I will always love you, and when I’m back I’ll do what you asked me to do in the last entry you sent me. Never let any bad thoughts come in your head, I will always be there for you no matter what, and if you need money just ask. Once Iget to Iraq, then I’ll be able to send you mail. I’m normally on around noon your time, so I understand why your not on, but it’s like 7:46pm my time. Other than that everything is going good with me, just sweating my butt off. Tomorrow I have to go to a range, and then I think in like 2 weeks we go to Iraq. I would call, but calling cards are like $80 and I only get 20 min talk time, wich is one phone call if you don’t use the whole thing. I love you always Rob
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the extension is only going to be 12-15 months in total wich is better than 18 in total that’s what that means.
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**hugs** I am the same way.. it happens when you love someone so much you just talk about them constantly… and also think about them constantly. I have been this way with my husband since before we were married. I know I annoy ppl. But I dont care. They can make up an excuse and walk away. I love him.. You love Rob its normally.. you dont need to change that. Just breathe …
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