more life and Chris, the drama… sorry

Seems my life is full of ups and downs. I have been oober busy with Chris and trying to get ready to vacay. We are working on his truck, trying to get it ready to take with us, but wtih him at work and then staying late to work on the truck that has left me running frantic trying to get everything done.

I went to pick my classes for next semester. They start the Monday after I come back from vacay 🙁 I can’t believe that summer is over… It still feels like it just started. I have 3 classes Mon, Wed, and Fri… and one on Tues and Thurs. Thank Goddess I don’t have a Saturday math like last semester. That almost killed me. But I am almost done my classes for this major which means that I will have to transfer soon to a real university. I don’t know if I am ready for something like that, but it is the next step and I really want to work on moving forward. I want to be able to make some real money so I can help Chris with the bills, cause he is really stressed right now. At least I start work soon… then I can make my two oober late car payments and pay off my damn cell phone. I haven’t had a cell in almost a month… I miss texting. *cries*

 Chris and I talked for a short while yesterday about everything. I told him that I have been thinking more and more about us and everything. I remembered back to when we first got together, how things were different and he acted like he was in love with me. He said that he was, but then he started to think about everything that happened and how much I had hurt him and he closed himself off. So it’s not so much that he isn’t in love with me, but more like he is hiding it.

He is still sweet to me… he tells me he loves me all the time… and kisses me and calls me his boo-bear and holds me. He is still in love with me, but he doesn’t want to admit it to himself. As for everything else that he does… he does it to hurt me and get back at me. Even though he says thats not the reason, but I know it is.

Looking at us now makes me think of Inuyasha and Kagome… (if anyone watches the anime Inuyasha then you would know exactly where I am coming from). I am Kagome and Chris is Inuyasha. I am head or heals in love for Chris, but he is afraid of getting hurt and is hiding how he really feels. I was watching some of Inuyasha the other night and I saw how much alike we are in situation. Every time I watch Inuyasha I am always rooting for him to just go to Kagome and tell her… tell her how you really feel. And that is what I am waiting for out of Chris.

I know that we are both different people… Amy changed him and Geoff changed me, but deep down we still love each other… deep down I know that things will work out even if Chris keeps pushing me away… I know that he is still the same sweet guy that I meet freshmen year who came up to me in gym class and said that I looked cold and asked me if he could hold me. That innocent Chris is still there and I will find him again… and when I do… I will never let go.