its the weekend

I have had a lot of extra time to think with Chris being gone. I have looked at my diary front page and how it has changed, I looked at the icons I added to my page and my wedding and pregnancy ticker and it just makes me realize how much my life has changed. I was watching a movie "Speak" with Kristen Stewart (who is quickly becoming my favorite actress but I think its because of Twilight) but it was a movie about this girl in high school named Melinda who went to a party at the end of the summer and was raped. She called the police but they broke up the party and she got scared and went home so she never told anyone. She went into a depression. It made me think of myself when I was in high school. I could remember feeling the way that Melinda did, I could remember feeling like an outcast and spending a lot of time on my own and being depressed and it feels like that wasn’t even me, like that was a me in a different world.

It is amazing to think of how much my life has changed. Though there were many hurtles and obstacles between where I was then and where I am now, just to be where I am in life now is amazing. I am happy. Even with Chris away and me feeling sick I am still happy. I still smile. Last night as I was going to bed I couldn’t help but think that I am lucky. I have an amazing husband who pays attention to me and how I feel. He is romantic with me and I can just tell how much he loves me. And now we have a little baby on the way. Yes we have a long way to go yet, but I couldn’t imagine anyone else that I would want to have a child with. Chris is going to be an amazing father and we are both so lucky to be expecting. I find it miraculous the way that life changes when you least expect it. If someone has asked me if I thought that my life would turn out this way when I was in high school I would have rolled my eyes and laughed in their face. And now, to be living this life, I couldn’t be happier.

We are in the process of becoming a family. I couldn’t be more excited about it.

Though I will be so much happier when I don’t have to deal with nausea anymore. I’m 9 weeks tomorow. That means 3 more weeks until the 2nd trimester and hopefully the end of feeling like this. I started looking at a website (http://www.doulashop.com) and it has some amazing things for expectant moms. I’m thinking about picking up an DVD to exercise with, a baby chime necklace that sits low on the belly and chimes when mommy walks, and a belly cast to take a cast of my belly when it gets bigger (though I don’t know if we would have space to put it anywhere), some tummy honey butter to decrease stretch marks, and some other things that I wanted Chris to look at first. I’m really getting into getting ready for baby. I’m excited for the baby shower that we are hopefully having in April in Jersey.

Well I have been on here for a while…. time to start getting ready for the day. Maybe I can actually get some cleaning done for once.

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life