how appropriate

So today is Self Harm Awareness Day… it also marks one month since the last time that I cut. Its so depressing knowing that its only been a month… I remember once when I could say that it has been one year, two years, three years…. and now I am back to 1 month. It just makes me want to stop all that much more. It has been hard over the past couple weeks… with everything that is going on. I have had the razor blade in my car with me… and I sat there listening to music and staring at it, but I held off and didn’t cut. I was proud of myself for that.

I am afraid that I am going to slip up and cut and then have to start this count over again… and I don’t want that to happen. I know that I am always going to struggle with it… I know that certain people will never understand it… I know that I will most likely slip up and cut agian and I know that its okay to slip but I just don’t want to. I have been doing se well with being okay with myself. I want that to stay and this SI thing is just becoming a problem for me more and more.

So I guess I should look at this in a positive light… I have been cut free for 1 month… I can do it for another month. I am aware that this is a problem and I want to stop, I know that it will be hard, oober hard but if I could stop for 3 years before then I can do it again. And this time I am stopping for me… not for Chris, not for Geoff, not for Andrew… I am stopping for myself because I know that I am strong and I know that I can do it. But its nice to know that I am not alone in this fight… that there are people who suffer from the same problem that I do and understand me and why I do it and how addicting it is. I have made some amazing friends through talking about SI and even though I wish that I never started I wouldn’t trade in the friendships that I have made with people for anything. I love you all my fellow SI sufferers! We will be strong and beat this together…. Happy 1 month anniversary for me and Happy Self Harm Awareness Day to all….