good things always bring bad things

That graphic is exactly what I am feeling right now. I want to run away from time….

And why? Why do I want to run away from it? Why didn’t I post an entry yesterday and slacked on NoJoMo?

Why?

Because Chris came home and told me that he is getting deployed in June. So that ticker down there… that is more time then we have together before he gets deployed.

And its killing me. Its almost like I can feel me heart inside me breaking and building up a wall of defense for when he does leave and I am alone.

And I say good things always bring bad things because Moday I started my new job… and it went great and I was thinking how awesome everything was, Chris was back from the training, I had a job and everything was great… and I should have known that it was too good to be true because the next day we found out about the deployment. He is going to miss our first anniversary, my 25th birthday, All Hallows, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day…. I really hate the Army. I can’t believe that this is happening. I knew that it was coming… see what comes of hope? I give in to that small glimmer of hope that he won’t deploy…… I begin to think maybe it won’t happen and then comes the deployment to smack me in the face.

I can’t believe that we only have 7 months left together…. I just can’t believe it. It tears my heart apart.

I don’t know what is going to happen now….. I am going to suck it up and deal with it, I have to be strong for Chris and I did a terrible job of that yesterday. I cried my eyes out yesterday… and we had a very tense trip to the commisary and then we both cried while making dinner. Yesterday was just a terrible day. I still cry when I think about it…. what a terrible Army wife I am. I have to get a hold of myself, its not like I didn’t know this was coming. I knew that he was getting deployed, I knew it.

I feel like our time is ticking away, every second that we spend apart is a second too long. I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving because we will have a break but at the same time I am dreading it because it means that we are another month closer to the deployment.

And that leaves me up in the air about the whole TTC thing. I don’t know what Chris wants to do about it. I haven’t talked to him about it. I don’t even want to think about it.

Actually I can’t think about it…. my mind thinks of nothing but this upcoming deployment.

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life