birth story… motherhood thoughts

 
I feel like its been a while since I last wrote. I haven’t had the chance to write down Nicholai’s birth story and I want to do it while everything is fresh in my mind. And since my little monkey is asleep right now I have a chance to write it all down. It may be a bit graphic, but hey… you all saw my pictures and I want to remember every little detail of how Nicholai came into the world.

~Monday morning~
I had an OB appt. at 10am. I was hoping to get an induction date so I didn’t want my regular afternoon time so I opted for 10am. I get there and wait forever…. finally I am called back. They check me… surprise surprise… guess who is still 2cm. Well then Dr. Jones tells me that if my fluid levels are low they will induce me today, so I’m thinking in the back of my mind, I hope my levels are low because I didn’t want to wait until the end of the week for an induction… I wanted my baby and my body just wasn’t giving in.

I wait for another 20min and finally someone calls me back to do the ultrasound to check my levels. I walk in and tell the ultrasound tech that I’m crossing my fingers for my levels to be low because I was already a day past my due date. She starts the ultrasound and is looking around and says, well you just might get your wish because your fluid levels are low. The danger zone is anything under 4.9 and I was at 5.2 which is what the tech said was really low normal. She told me that she was going to talk to the OB but that she didn’t think he would let it go and that I would most likely get sent over to the hospital. So I go out and wait again and then Dr. Jones calls me into his office and tells me that he is sending me over to the hospital right now. So he calls the hospital and tells them that I am coming to get an "emergency" induction. I call Chris and tell him that I am getting induced. He is at the house freaking out… running around trying to grab the last min things that we didn’t pack. It was so damn cute how excited he was. I drive over to the hospital and Chris is coming in the parking garage as I am walking to the hospital. I go up the Labor & Delievery and get checked in and then they tell me to wait.

Two hours later a room finally opens up and they call me back. I strip into a gown, and get into bed and wait for the nurse to start my pitocin. Well after waiting for half an hour a nurse finally starts my IV. She misses the first time in my wrist so she opts for my hand…. whatever… needles don’t bother me. By the time my pitocin is started its about 5:30. Chris and I are sitting around playing cards and watching TV and being bored. Then Dr. Jones shows up and says ok… we are going to break your water and then things will really get moving. So after the most terrible feeling my water is finally broken and then the contractions really hit me…. like a ton of bricks! The little one kept kicking the monitor that read his heartbeat. Every contraction that I had that little bugger would kick it and we would lose his heartbeat. So Chris, the nurses and I kept trying to track him down over and over again lol. And around this time Molly shows up.

Around 7pm I was in so much pain it was insane. Hubby is sitting right by my side counting the contractions for me and helping me breath. For hours all Chris said was "ok ok in 2…..3…….4….. out 2….3…..4…. and in 2….3….4…. out 2…3….4… and in 2…3…4… out 2…3…4…. and deep cleansing breath, ok its over" If it weren’t for him counting and holding my hand and telling me what an amazing job I was doing I have a feeling I would have lost my mind. I was having back to back strong contractions and then Flora, my nurse, comes in to check… I’m only 4cm. She asks me if I want the epidural… I say I don’t want it. She tells me that the anesthesiologist is about to do a C-section so if I want it now is my chance. I really didn’t want it, I wanted to do it naturally, but I never even had a chance to recover from a contraction before the next one would start. So hubby and the nurse both convince me but I took too long to make up my mind and the anesthesiologist was already in the OR. So Flora says she can give me Stadol. She injects that into my IV and warns me that I may feel like I’m drunk… and not 5 min later does the Stadol hit me like a bus! I couldn’t even open my eyes because the whole room would spin out of control, but it helped a lot with the contractions. I would just close my eyes and listen to Chris count the contractions out.

Flora comes back and says its time for the epidural. I said no… I can do it with the Stadol, but she looks at me and goes honey if you don’t get it now you won’t be able to and you are getting the epidural. I felt so defeated… because I wanted to go through this naturally, no epidural. But that damn pitocin made that impossible. So Chris and Molly leave the room and the anesthesiologist comes in and Flora tells me that I need to sit up. Which was easier said then done since I was still under the Stadol… I could barely even sit up… it was terrible. The epidural didn’t hurt really, it wasn’t until the actually put the medicine in, she said you will feel a big cramp. Ha big cramp my ass… from the waist down felt like it was being run over by a train for about 15sec and then nothing… I felt nothing…. everything was numb.

And as they are finishing this up the MIL wanders into the room. I had no idea she was coming in…. but at that point I didn’t even care anymore. Chris and Molly come back in and I am able to take a nap for a little while. Around 11pm they come in and check me and I am 7cm. I asked her how long she thought it would be…. she said around 3am. I try to get back to sleep but the pressure from the contractions started picking up and pretty soon I was back to Chris counting for me to get me through my contractions. By this point my pitocin is up to 38mL an hour. Around 1am I look at Chris and tell him that Flora had better check me like right now because I felt like I had to push. So Chris tells her to check me and she does and says "Oh… we are gonna have a baby. Don’t push yet, let me get Dr. Jones" It’s 1am.

It feels like an eternity before they get the room set up so I can push. It was in reality on 15min, but it felt like forever. Flora told me to pant through the contractions so that I don’t push…. it was terrible. Finally Dr. Jones is ready and the bed is ready and the nurse is ready and Chris and Flora each grab a leg. They try to tell me how to push but it was hard because all I could feel was pressure, no pain, so figuring out which muscles to push with took me a while. I finally start getting the hang of it, but its so hard because by the time I get up the power to give a strong push I’ve run out of air. It was crazy. And then I feel it… the head is coming down, the head is almost out and there is so much pressure but then pop… the head is out… Dr. Jones says that the baby is big and the baby will have big shoulders so I need to push will all I have…. so I take a deep breath and push and all of a sudden I feel the baby slide out. And a second later… that sound every mother waits for… the baby takes a deep breath and screams. Dr. Jones holds him up and tells me it’s a boy.

I couldn’t believe it! There he was, crying his little self away, all mine. My son.

Chris cuts the cord and they put him on my chest. He is so warm and squirming all around. Then they take him over to get cleaned up and checked while Dr. Jones helps me deliever the after birth and then starts sewing up my tear. 3 stitches later it’s all over. I had delivered my son. All 8lbs 10oz, 22.5 inches long, head circum 14in and he was beautiful. I was in shock. I couldn’t even cry. All I could think was OMG we have a baby.

They take him away to the nursery and Chris goes with him. He and I both had a temp so we both had to be kept under watch.

Chris and I got to stay in the Labor & Delivery room because post partum was full. I watched Nicholai sleep for a while… I was too excited and happy to sleep.

We spent 4 days in the hospital. He was circumcised on the 3rd day and that went fine. I found out that his APGAR scores were both 9, which is really high! He is a strong boy lol. He also has the same blood type as Chris and I!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am loving every second of being a mommy. Nicholai is just precious. We had some trouble with breastfeeding in the beginning but now that my milk has come we have no problems. In fact I make more milk then he can drink at the moment so I am pumping all the time. I can’t believe how amazing it feels to be a mom. I’ve waited so long for this and now that it’s here I almost can’t believe it. He is so adorable. I can’t stop holding him, I can’t stop watching him sleep, I can’t stop kissing him. I can’t believe how much I love him already. I would do anything for him, I would lay down my life for him. I look back on his delievery pictures and it makes me cry. Sometimes just watching him sleep makes me cry… I can’t believe that I am his mommy.

I love him more then I ever thought I could love someone. Being a mother is the more amazing experience.

I’m sure I have more to write, but Nicholai is asleep so I’m going to take a nap too before he is ready to eat again. If you read all this… you are amazing 🙂

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life