because it all just seems to fit so well

And still the waiting continues…. atleast this time June is right around the corner. Three more weeks of work left and thank god about that because work is driving me insane! I am still working on paying off these bills…. ugh they seem like they are never ending, but I just got paid today so that should help some. Chris is still insisting that I take July off and not work and get used to Fayetteville and even though I still worry about money he says that we will be fine.

*TMI*

I got my period today and Chris seemed less then enthused about it. I think that deep down he was hoping that I was pregnant since I have been feeling like utter shit but nope… this morning there it was right on time…. I was half hoping that I was pregnant too though I know that now isn’t really the best time but I am really getting baby fever over here so I was hoping that maybe fate would want us to have a baby. Oh well… apparently now is not the time. Though in a way it was nice to know that Chris was disappointed just like I was, its nice to know that he wants to have a baby with me.

Since I have been feeling sick I still haven’t done much to my list. I really need to start knocking things off it but it seems my procrastination has been getting the best of me. Chris is moving into our place on Monday and I am sooooooooo glad that he will be out of that hellish house with Joe and his demon spawn of a wife…. not nice I know but I don’t care…. now they can’t use him like they have been. Ugh they make me so angry. I still can’t believe that all this is happening… in 23 days now I will be living with Chris in our very own place…. I am so excited.

And… that also means that I am going to be getting married soon. I still can’t believe that either. I guess I was getting to the point where I thought that would never happen and now that Chris is in my life I never want us to be apart and I really couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. One of my amazing favorites has offered to make me a dress to wear to my JOP wedding and I am still in some shock over that. Its strange to think of the amazing people that I have met through this site. I only want a little white summer dress since it isn’t anything big this time around and I was just going to go buy one from the store but this is so much more special. Just thinking about it makes me smile. In fact there are so many people who want to come to this now…. a friend of mine from SG, April and her hubby want to come, Chris’s mother and stepdad want to come, which I was a bit shocked about, and Chris just told me today that one of his friends was asking about it and wanted to come. I don’t know… something about all these people wanting to see us get married just makes it all that much more exciting. Knowing that my name is going to change, knowing that I will not only have an engagement ring on but a wedding ring as well. Its all amazing.

Everyone is so happy for us. Its so odd this time around… I’m not used to having so many people support me, my last couple relationships no one has really been interested in how things were going they were just counting down til things hit the fan which they always seemed to do…. but its so different now and its surprising but in a nice way. To think that a month from today I will be living in a different state, I will be married, I will be a housewife, and a wife in general, I will be living with my husband… its like my old life is ending and I am about to embark on a whole new life. Well… maybe its not so much a new life as it is a new chapter…. but this is the chapter that I have been waiting for and dreaming of since I was in 5th grade. And now… finally its here.

I guess looking back this is happening at the right time. I have grown so much over 2007 and been though so much. I was reading back through my diary and I can hardly recognize who I was back then… so down on myself and so negative all the time. I was always wrapped up in who I was with, letting myself change for them and not growing or changing for myself. I still talk about Chris all the time because he is my life, but its different this time. I am free to have not only his life but a life of my own and a life that we are mixing together… to become a family. Chris told me that I was his destiny and I whole heartedly believe that he is my destiny too. I can be myself around him, I am not always trying to force myself into a mold to please him because he loves me for who I really am and not who I pretend to be. I have found my own 2 legs to stand on just like he has his own 2 legs but instead of me trying to walk in his footprints we can walk side by side and make our own footprints but we still are walking the same path. And though it is something that is new to me and something that I am not used to it is also something that I am enjoying and exploring and loving. People are always talking about when you find the right person you know… that something just clicks and I can look back  and see myself saying that about other people but it was never really true, it was me forcing that click to be there, but the second that Chris and I started talking something really did click, it was a real sound, I heard it and the more that we are together, the longer that we love each other the more I become aware of just how a real relationship is supposed to work and the more I am thankful everyday for the chance to have a real relationship with Chris.

 

 

 

 

 

 

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! <font style="background-color: #000

000″ color=”#ffffff”>… music is my life