autumn is here!
It is officially Autumn. Mabon was last night and while I wish that I had time to do ritual… Nicholai decided otherwise lol. I did try to meditate some before I went to bed but I don’t know how long I lasted until I fell asleep.
I was able to talk to Chris… he was told his return date so now I have a day to hope for… I know that day that he will be home. Well the day as of right now but lets be realistic, this is the Army and I’m sure the day will change a million times. He also found out that they will be leaving again in July. 
Really?! He will only be home for 6 months and then he will be gone again. He will miss my birthday again, he will miss Christmas again, he will miss Nicholai’s birthday again, Samhain, Thanksgiving. Screw the Army! I knew that this was going to happen though so I don’t know why I’m so upset. Just Chris kept telling me that it wouldn’t happen, that they would have more time home…. but my sources proved to be more right. So now buying a house is going to have to be put off. TTC baby #2 is going to have to be put off.
UGH! This fucking sucks! I know I know… Army life and blah blah blah. This is how it is… blah blah blah. I know that. But I hate that I have no control over my life. I hate that I have no control over my future. The Army controls everything… my husband and how much time I get to have with him, all the big things that I want to do with my life…. have more babies, move out of this apartment and buy our first house… the Army is in control of everything. I have no control over my life and I HATE that. I like to plan. I like to know what is going on, I like to have a list and know when things are going to happen, at least the big things and the Army has ruined it all. Fuck you Army! And I have a feeling that the Army is going to own us. I said something to Chris about getting out in 2015 and hoping for the FBI and he doesn’t sound nearly as interested as he did before. So I have a feeling that the Army is going to own us for another 13+ years. Fanfuckingtastic. I know I know, I married Chris when he was already in the Army and I knew what I was getting myself into. True, it’s all true. And I love Chris, I’m his forever wife… so that means that I will follow him through his journey because I can’t really have my own journey because the Army controls everything and Chris is the one in the Army… I’m just along for the ride. And I love him more then anything so I will get on that rollar coaster and hold on for dear life and hope it doesn’t run off the tracks. Because that is all I can do.
Ok… pissed off frustrated Army wife rant over. I will return you to your regularly scheduled programming, I am a strong Army wife and I can handle any shit the Army throws my way.
October is almost here… there are less then 40 days until Samhain. I can’t believe how fast time is going. November is going to be here before I know it. I hope that time keeps going by this fast. Nicholai still isn’t sleeping more then 3 hours before he wakes up and comes into bed with me. And he got me sick so now I get no sleep, am sick and have a sick baby to take care of. Oh motherhood lol. We went to a playdate yesterday with the mommy group that I’m a part of and had a great time. Nicholai played with other kids, ran around… it was awesome to watch him have so much fun and I was able to sit down and have conversations with adults.
A week from today Nicholai finally gets to go back to the ped to see if his ear infections are gone. I really hope that they are… because it’s going to be a battle if he still has these ear infections. I swear… the deployment fairy keeps on piling it on. Nicholai has never been sick until Chris left. Oh well… I will just keep on battling the germs. I need to take all his toys to the tub and bleach them. I swear… I spend all my time trying to kill germs. I’m going to smell like Clorox for the rest of my life haha.
Ok ok… I need to get off a here and study Magicka School. I’m taking my quiz on lesson 2 tomorrow if Nicholai lets me.
