and the tale unfolds

Yes… I have read about another 200 pages today and in about 2-3 hours. Yes I have a problem, but oh well… let it be so.

This entry may seem different then my normal writing. You don’t have to read if you don’t want to, but sometimes my old soul feels the need to write. And when I say write I mean freely express what I feel inside in a way that doesn’t always make sense. It almost sounds unreal, but there are parts of me that really are older then I actually am. This makes me sound less then sane, but my diary, me expressions, my freedom.

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Through some dark recess of my mind I can see the depth of dreams that I have yet to experience. Fate has taken a strong hold over my life again as it sometimes seems to do, leaving me trapped in a series of events that I have not the power to change. Though these events do not seem to be of a malice or dark nature that does not make me any less wary. I feel as though I was walking through a daydream, the feeling of déjà vu lingers on the tip of my mind, a feeling that I cannot seem to shake. That feeling in the pit of my stomach has yet again returned, a hint of something coming on the horizon. I know not what this ‘thing’ may be or of how it will affect me. All I can be sure of is it will change something. Flickers of what is to come lick the edges of my dreams, but not clear enough for me to ascertain what they are. Which leaves me with no other option…. wait and be patient of what is to come.

This feeling in my stomach, anxious and overbearing, it occurs always when my mood is dark and dreary, but there is something different this time. Maybe it is the onset of the new semester, maybe the fear of Rob leaving for Korea after this horridly long deployment, or so it seems like. What ever the cause may be, it makes me wish all that much more that Rob was here. His presence, even with the great distance that lay between Jersey and Washington, was always a great comfort to me. Just the sound of his voice was enough to calm any storm of emotions that waged inside my weary mind, but with the distance between us expanded ten fold and the amount of time we actually get to speak to each other lessened the same amount sometimes comfort is a hard feeling to come by.

I can vividly remember our time together in Washington. Those three days of bliss, him holding me in the dark, protecting my sleep from the awful nightmares that infect my dreams, his touch which made my heart race, the way he could look into my eyes and instantaneously know every thought I had and feel every emotion I felt without even having to try. There is some mystical force that surrounds us when we are together in that way, but it only happens when he is serious. His sometimes humorous nature can cloud the mystics of our love though it does not change how strong it is. Certainly the first night spent in Washington was the most powerful, he would stare at me so intently and my habitul reaction of turning my face away did not occur under his gaze, as my eyes were just as securely locked onto his. He holds a force over me so strong sometimes that it is all I can do to not crumble and melt beneath it. I wonder if he knows this or if he mirrors the same of me. I miss the solace that he can create within and around me. If only he knew…. if only.

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"You’re more important than everyone else. And you’ve given me you. That’s already more than I deserve, and anything else you give me just throws us out of balance."

– Bella, Eclipse

 

 

 

Summer book list

 

1. Chicken Soup for the Military Wife’s Soul… 307 pages

2. Twilight (book 1) by Stephenie Meyer… 498 pages

3. New Moon (book 2) by Stephenie Meyer… 567 pages

4. Eclipse (book 3) by Stephenie Meyer… 428 pages in

5. Echohawk by Lynda Durrant… 12 pages in

6. True Magick: A beginner’s guide by Amber K… 4 pages in