and it starts *caution… some TMI*

And so it has started…. I have become the proverbial Army wive I guess you could say. Its 4:47am/ 0447 and I just dropped Chris off at the airport. He will be TDY until Thursday in Oklahoma. And that leaves me here, home…. alone.

I knew there was no way to avoid it. I know that he wanted to go since his NCO is back from leave tomorrow and Chris can’t stand him. I’m glad that this has worked out for him and that he gets this chance to get away. If money wasn’t so tight right now I would have been able to go with him, but I guess I can keep my fingers crossed for the next one. Atleast this one is only 5 days long, the next TDY to OK is 2 weeks and it would be nice if I could go with him, but I am not going to hold my breath. The Army is fickle and who knows if i will still be able to go with him.

Only time will tell.

So life will continue on. I will miss him and it will be hard but its only 5 days and its only OK so I guess I can’t really complain. And when he gets back he will have Friday off and then the week after will be my birthday though I am not really excited about it but oh well… I can’t stop the aging process so I will turn another year older.

Its just been so different the last couple of days with Chris. The other day he sat on the couch and played his guitar for me. Just thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes because it is so beautiful when he plays. He played some of the songs that he wrote that I love and some others and I just sat in awe, watching his arm swing across the strings as the melody played through and his voice, oh how I love his voice. And he just sat there, his eyes smoldering into mine as he sang to me. It was romantic, it was special, and it made me cry. Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as him love me. There are times at night that I lay awake listening to him breathe, running my fingers across his skin, in complete awe of how wonderful he is to me and how wonderful he has made my life. I never thought that I could be this happy nor that I deserved to be. It’s unreal. I look at him sometimes, his blue/green eyes, his soft smooth skin. I love the way he smiles and that when he does and he is smiling at me that it isn’t just his mouth that smiles, its his eyes, his whole face that smilies. I love the way he laugh together, mixing and blending into music. I love the way that he touches me, the way he is always reaching for my hand, or rubbing my back, or pulling me close. And the other night as we were making love he pulled me close and whispered in my ear "I love you" in this musky sensual voice as he ran his hand up and through my hair. It sent my whole body into shivers, my heart racing, my mind swirling… never has anyone made me feel the way that he does. Our bodies touching, close and heated, our feet entangled our breath ragged and still thinking back to it, makes me shiver.

I wonder if things will always be like that between us, if our relationship will always be as magickal as it is now but I believe in my heart that it will be. I believe in us, more then anything. I live each day because of him and I believe that he lives each day because of me. I still remember what he told me once, "you are my destiny" and I look at the rings on my finger and the look in his eyes and I believe him.

I believe him.

… don’t be afraid, sometimes they come true! … music is my life