Updates of a sort
Why am I always on a different page than other people? Whenever I try to engage in conversation with someone and get excited with what I’m talking about, sometimes it seems as if I’m the one who’s weird about a certain subject. It reminds me of the enrichment program I was in the summer before my freshman year of college. It was a program to help people from minority groups get used to college life at a PWI. The way they chose students seemed extremely random. For instance, I’m from the inner city and happened to be an independent student. In high school, I had great grades, but my SAT score was low. Thank goodness for my high verbal score. One of the participants of the program had excellent grades, near perfect SAT scores, parents are middle to high income, but she lived in a neighborhood close to her school in an inner city. It seemed like there were some inconsistancies to the system by which they chose the people. But I digress…….
Anyway, while I was in the program it seemed like I was on a different frequency from anyone else. Most of the things I was interested in, no one else shared and didn’t really care. It became a problem at the begining because I haven’t watched the other people in the program to determine what kind of things that they liked that I could tolerate. It seemed like elementary school all over again. This time I partially isolated myself off and didn’t really try to be social. Ha, I hardly left the room because it was the only place on campus where I felt comfortable. Before this I felt odd before, but it didn’t strike me that I could be viewed as odd by society. I just have to make peace with the fact that I’m eccentric, and it doesn’t make me inferior by anyone else.
It’s hard to explain to friends the reasons exactly why I don’t like being in certain social situations that involves coming together with people I don’t really know about. Small talk with a large amount of people exhausts me. Whenever I get socially exhausted, I shutdown. Then I’d listen to music, read (manga especially), watch tv (anime or star trek: TNG or DS9) to get the most comfort. After this, I’d be regular me again: granted, that I’d not be put in the same situation. It’s hard to explain, but I can’t resist or change my behavior. The more I resist, the more destructive it is to emotionally.
I’d put down more as I realize more things……..