A little anxious

     I IM’ed my friend about how I’m not able to go on the trip that we’ve been planning since last year. I had to cancel because my mom won’t allow me to go. I’ve e-mailed her and her away message was up when I IM’ed her. Hopefully she’ll talk to me. There’s a part of me that’s afraid that she took offense to this and is not going to talk to me ever again.

     She might say why don’t I just come and move out from my mom’s house. I can do that and risk being cut off from my mother’s side of the family.  I don’t know anyone on my father’s side, so that’s troubling. They are okay people. I just don’t fit in. It’s like I’m a pariah or something. I’m afraid of  the looks that they give me when I go to family events. Sometimes I stay out of their way all together because I might humiliate myself or have a panic attack.

     If I leave, I will cut all contact. If I ever get married, my friends will be the only ones in my wedding party. It’s bad enough that I don’t have anyone to walk me down the aisle.

—Peace, Love, and Furi Kuri!