28 Letters – Day Five: Your Dreams

Dear Series of Images, Ideas, Emotions, and Sensations Occurring Involuntarily In My Mind During Certain Stages of Sleep,

Well this is interesting, since just the other night you delivered a partiularly disturbing/upsetting scenario into my head while I was sleeping. It was one of your best, as far as details and stay-ability go. I still see it, and hear it. It would have been awesome if it had a happier ending, but I guess maybe you work in mysterious ways.

When I was little I’m sure you gave me some good ones, but aside from one reoccuring nightmare about millions of insects coming out of my closet, I don’t remember you much. However, beginning at about age 14 or so you have made a much bigger impression. I’ve been writing in a diary for many many years, and there are some dreams that I wrote about that when I read my summaries now, I can still see the images and feel the emotions and sensations that you gave me that night. Sometimes they are good – sometimes they are not.

Two nights before September 11th, 2001 I had a dream about being in a very high skyscaper looking out of the window – which was basically a glass wall. I saw a plane coming toward the building, a jetliner, at almost exactly my windows height. I remember thinking in the dream, "That plane is going to hit this building – that plane is going to hit me. I am about to die…" That plane did hit the building. I remember it getting closer and closer, and finally breaking through the glass, and my entire body went numb, so hot it almost felt cold. I knew I was dead or dying, and I couldn’t move. All I could do was feel terror and pain.

I woke up from that dream on September 10th and wrote about it in my paper diary that night. About how real it felt, and how terrible it was to know you were going to die – how horrifying, yet almost calm… I woke up the next morning to seeing that dream happen to real people. My heart still breaks in an unexpected way because that dream had been so real, I feel like I can more than just imagine what some of those people experienced. It still freaks me out.

Sometimes I dream about Uncle Joe, and I wake up feeling comforted. I have only dreamed about Bill a couple of times, and I’m glad for that. I do remember them well, and they were sad, but  they made me think that maybe somehow he does know I never hated him – I just didn’t understand him. Pop-Pop, Great Mom-Mom, Gloria …. you’ve included them as well.

I actually look forward to what you have to offer me. You do confuse the hell out of me sometimes, but you also bring me comfort, closure, and ocassionally a new perspective. On a good night you make me want to live my dreams. On a bad night, you make me thankful for my reality.

xoxoxox

Becca