road block

 The dryness in my throat overwhelms me

tounge thick with words unsaid
air thick with questions
swimming around
in and out
in and out of our heads.
at one point i thought to wonder of her thoughts…
then I thought better of it instead. 
to be affected so by anothers emotions
to be the light!
and to be the dread!
telling yourself over and over. 
she said she loves me she said she said..
needing that one confimation that will not come. 
is she holding back from me?
searching for the pull that holds back..
is she holding back from me?
imagining the excuses before they come.
was she holding back from me?
Belying the pain before it even comes. 
was she holding me?
Revenling in the Glory before it’s even done.
.. is she Holding me?
make her name into small little chants.
say it in your head and see if she hears you. 
.. is she holding me?
slowly move and then turn your back…
..is she holding me?
.. imagine the feel as if she never even left
she is right beside you as you imagine..
.. but is she holding back?
You chant what you want from her heavy in your mind.
extend your thoughts to her
and wonder if she will meet you there. 
the wanting of that meeting…
The dryness in this moment overwhelms me.
how can we be on these different planes when I love you so very much?
the sway of the heat and the stillness of the cold
steady ruling us.. 
I want to make a forecast that no one can touch 
where the entire sky and all of it contents belong to us
so that I can never again see that look on your face. 
our world. our pace… but wait… 
.. are you holding me?
I begged for you but I cannot feel you here!!!
I cried for you but you did not come. 
I screamed your name a thousand times in my head
and told you that I loved you a million different ways!
BUT WAIT!!
… Are you holding me? i cannot feel you here though I know
you are here at my side.
nothing has changed and love still abides and i still can’t breathe 
without you and tremble when you are by my side but at this
very moment things are so STILL!!
… Where are You? i cannot feel you? Why aren’t you holding me?????