From Within2( where is my mind?)

metalic lathers on my toungue. what is this foreighn taste here? Tried to brush it away dear, but it seems Old Friend is here to stay  awhile. Slow smiles. Long pathways that never
lead below the surface. Sickly and in pain to block and fight the world away. something smaller, closer, more personnal to dwell on and keep close to me. comfortable beneath the deep
places. COlors of black and blue to calm me like the sea does, lapping in my ear, to cover any obsceneties i may hear. like a small child with palms over their face to protect them from what
they shouldn’t know.  I am hearing lyrics in my had again. strange tunes that sing to me and I have no clue what the words mean. trying to bypass the words and just focuss on my feelings.
The mass of mess I am such a master at ignoring, pounding at me for acknowledgement I am not ready to give.But willing? Yes. Able? Yes. So you say ‘what is the big deal?’ supress surpass
conatain maintain. a lifestyle I’ve grown accustomed to. women, girls, sisters, and scarce friends…But feeling? What thin lines we tread. What shears of ice we run on thinking this world will
not crack beaneath us? Beneath me, and what a fool I am to think anything else or otherwise. I am not the person they thought I was and I cannot pretend to be. Look at where pretending gets me.
Standards weighing me down in ways i cannot explain. Me not having developed that far or maybe even that way. Seems there was always a better alternative and I happen to be attracted to the wrong forks.
Tempted to give up on my traveling days. I see myself in a future that may no longer exist. Trying to focus on what I feel. It has to be bigger than this small snapshot of  bullshit. unbalanced checks and
marks that we’re supoosed to learn from when the lessons, like the turns, evolve too quick. Like sand sucking at your feet or the ox’s reaction to the whip. I want to be scolded in the sweetest way.
Taken to worlds that are furthest from here. Longing for some kind of exqusite connection. Grieving that like the future, it may longer be possible. and possibly doesn’t exist. how do we know what isn’t and what
is? delusions become my enemy when they used to be my best friend. when the weather changes we change our clothes but does it always work this way? Man up. Be brave? I am brave when I work myself up to look in your face,
I am strong enough when I turn my Do’s into don’ts. I was courageous when I first breathed the word… Yes. Finality. Finness. Would add them to the list but trying not to write those anymore. Garenteed results do not exist.
Her hands were warm though so i forgot all about it. – Feeling less than myself. wondering who that exactly is. far from myself and the objects floating around my head.