confessions of a professor

trying to seperate my true self from the self I’ve created and paraded over the years.
True Self. finding that again and wondering how i let it go this far. to change what’s
inside me for who’s beside me? The last few times that didn’t go so well. 

But how do i get back? She asks this of me and I have no answer.
How do I seperate these 2 elements. these 2 people. that girl from this woman?
she wants me to, but i haven’t figured out how.

an accomplishment that would set me free… all she has ever asked of me.
If she only knew how hard of a feat she places at the very soles of my feet.
calm. quiet. docile. tranquility.

But how do I get that back? she asks this of me and I have no answer.
Expects this of me and my plans have dissapeared.
No clear way to analyze that one….
no black no white just foggy greys with no clear path as to how I clear it up.

one streak at a time. then work on a smudge. Cleaning up.
The hardest thing when you have to do it from the inside.
Fatal attempts at reconstruction of the entire right side.
for her I’ll try.