Worrisome

 I am typing this from my phone. I guess we will see how well this works out

I am… I am not even sure what word to use to describe how I feel today… depressed? despondant? lonely? Really they all fit quite well… I am bothered that the person I largely consider my best friend is plannin on moving to Oklahoma (roughly a 18 hour drive)… I have been thinking about relationships again… I want to get back into school but I am worried that will fall through… It just seems like every time I finally get things straightened out this overwhelming dread replaces everything and I am so afraid of it all falling to pieces… that I am going to make another wrong or stupid mistake and wind up right back where I was…

I have been working a second job for the last two months or so… It has been nice fo have the extra cash but I think I am going to quit soon because I am just not happy working it. It feels like every night I leave I am just pissed about one thing or another. It shouldn’t be that way. Not for a job I really don’t need. My car is having issues but nothing too major. I still need to get the parts to fix my motorcycle…

I am worried about not really having any one. If he moves I will be back go being on my own really. He was my only single friend and more the  that we are so much alike it was just easy to be friends. I don’t make friends easily. Hell for as big a game I tend to talk I don’t do well witb people in general. Call it social anxiety or whatever else you want I plain suck at making casual conversation… jnlike so many of the other people I have surrounded my self with… but it is what it is. I care about him and want him to go and do what makes him happy. Be where he will be happy. If that means moving go OKC with his mom and her side of the family then so be it…

I still miss being in a relationship. I had someone interested jn me recently (pretty sure she isnt anymore) but it wasn’t mutual. There was juat too much of a difference in direction in our lives for anything to work out so… I had to "friendzone" someone which was a first for me. The cold nights as of late have had me thjnking about the part I miss most… cuddling up under a blanket, holding onto one another… yeah I am a hopeless romantic. Out there somewhere there is a girl who feels the same way headed the same direction as me… somewhere… just not here.

Till next time
~sky~