Storytime

Okay so some story to preface my last entry…

Round about 2010 I met this girl. Super cool we hit it off super hard. She was married but on the way out of it. So we got together. Because I’m dumb she qound up pregnant with what would have been my first child. We split up not long after when she decided to go back to her ex husband. She ended up having a miscarriage… so yeah devastation. Anyway about a year later she leaves tbe husband again and like an idiot I get back with her (dont worry this story is full of my bad decisions) she ends up pregnant again. We split again. She twlls me she’s having an abortion which is her choice but I dont have to like it. So fuck her I’m out.

Here it is 2020 and my friend gets this message out of the blue from her. I meaaage her being auper sarcastic and just borderline assholeish. Then she’s like “arent you gonna ask about her” and I’m  like what and she’s like “you have a daughter she’s 7” and of course I’m like provw it.

So we get the paternity test and it comes back positive… So hey Im an idiot you left another husband (#2) well let’s try and make things work for the daughter’s sake. Like I said bad decisions all around.

Turns out she’s been calling some other guy dad for 7 years. She’s not really old ebough to understand the implications of the paternity test … but hell me and mom are together she sometimes calls me dad ( ut mostly its sky) and we’re trying to be a family.

But things are super wierd. GF has been through years of abuse and recognizes it and wants to not feel that way but refuses to do anything about it and just generally sinks into alcoholism. Anything domestic is pretty much left up to me or she pays her mom to come do for her. She runs her own business and ends up convincing me to quit my decent job to help her. Which considereing I eas frustrated and angry at my job I did (see bad decisions galore).

Anyway nothing really improves. I come to her and I’m like “You dont really seem to want to be with me (up to this point she has made several statements about how she’s not really into men and that she would gladly leave for other people). You dont seem to want to be here. Is this relationship really what you want?”

“I’m sorry. I guess I’ll pack a bag”

So thats it. No fight. No argument. No “Let’s work on this” just “I’m out”

So okay pack your bag take a night or two. Yesterday she comes by and grabs a bunch of stuff. She went back to the husband she left and thats where she’s gonna be.

So yeah here I am trying to pick up pieces. How do I be a father to my daughter especially one that doesn’t feel like I’m her father… she grew up calling husband 1 daddg and has almost exclusively lived with husband 2… how do I be tbe man I need to be?

So that’s where my 2020 has left me standing so…. fuck.