Triggered.

Ugh I’m having a hard time coping tonight. Everything in me wants to self harm but I know I can’t….I have too much to lose. I don’t know how to cope and I think that’s why my ED came back into play. It’s a way for me to control all those emotions I have yet to learn how to control. My partner can be an asshole. He comes and goes as he pleases. Most times he doesn’t even tell me he is heading out.  I find out because when I look for him for help with our youngest, he doesn’t answer and then I look and then car 🚗 Is gone. It’s then that I realize I am on my own. He rarely answers his phone when he is out. Takes hours if I do get a reply and then never gives me the absolute truth. He finds it funny and I honestly think it empowers him to make me wonder. I’m at such a fragile point in my journey right now and I just don’t know how to deal or why I keep accepting this. I’ll try and explain more later I can’t even think rn sorry. I’ll mention he is from Saudi Arabia so maybe it’s just cultural upbringing