Restricting ⚠️
So, I started restricting again on May, 11th of this year. It started at first as a way to keep myself from self harming by cutting and overdosing. I knew those would eventually get me into trouble again and I didn’t want to take that risk. Sadly, I find it’s much easier to hide an eating disorder and not be punished for it. It’s slow progress and usually everyone views “watching your weight” as a healthy thing, and so it’s much less troubling. I can say that it isn’t a healthy way of coping but it is much better than slitting my wrists or taking a concoction of random pills. I do however see myself spiralling down a dark path. Since May 11th, I’ve lost 10lbs. I know before I used to lose a lot more faster but I also know my methods aren’t healthy and that worries me to an extent. The sad part is, the happiness I feel when I first weigh myself in the morning and see that the scale go down is just so hard to let go of. The scale literally dictates my mood for the day. If it’s up, I just feel miserable and anxious and pushed to restrict more. Ironically, if the scale is down, I also feel a rush to restrict more and get it even lower. Both outcomes encourage and push me to try harder and lose more. Kinda a lose lose situation. I do know that the second I go back to normal eating I’ll gain it all back and more because I’m screwing my metabolism. I really wish my self destructive ways were over. I don’t think they will ever really be gone.
Talk to your doctor and see if they can help
@kaliko yes I am. I also made an appointment with my psychiatrist but he is booked until September. I am back in my IDTP (Intensive day treatment program) group so that’s also helping. We do morning zoom calls Monday through Friday with a few people and the counsellor.
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Question? If it’s not too personal of a question how much do you weight and how tall are you? And how much more weight do you want to loose?
@jaythesmartone Hey, I am 5’4 and I am not at all underweight. I started restricting because my BMI Was in the overweight category. I have now gotten it down to the normal category so that gives me some relief. My weight right how is this the healthy zone.
@skinney4life
your B MI should be about 21 at it’s lowest and 24 at it’s highest….I know this because I have been at the bottom of my range before…and it did feel good. But then I weight 135 pounds.
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It’s a loooong path, but you CAN get better. One step at a time. I read all the history posts. I’m sorry this was your life. I’m sorry you had to rely on such destructive coping mechanisms.
This may or may not help, but knowledge is power. As a female, your weight *will* fluctuate up to 2lbs throughout the day/week even if you haven’t lost/gained any fat or muscle. Most of that fluctuation is water weight. It is caused by hormones, salt intake, stress, water intake, and many other things. So, any “up-tick” of the scale less than 2 lbs is basically the same. Mental disorders are the hardest to overcome. Sometimes saying to yourself “This is normal. This feeling that I’m a failure is a wrong thought in my brain. It’s not the truth” — that can help, even if you don’t believe yourself the first 500 times you say it.
I HIGHLY recommend the book “Brain Lock” by Jeffrey M. Schwartz. It’s about how you can help yourself deal with OCD and turn your thinking around. It helped me immensely.
@smokedragon thank you for sharing. You’re right, I do find it helpful to do Positive self talk throughout the day To keep myself grounded. I am also working on playing the Tape through to the end. I’m working on getting my sleep schedule back to normal as well as I know nights are very triggering for me and my thoughts.
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