Recovery is Hard…I can do it though..

So I am just sitting here alone, my hubby is out with his buddies and the kids are sleeping. I am listening to some old tunes that bring back certain memories. I love how music can do that. Anyways, I am having a hard time regulating my weight. Seems that I do good and lose weight and then have a day where I eat a tad bit more and automatically gain like 2 lbs for the next day and then it takes another 2 days to get back to where I was. It is driving my insane. I do the body test on my Wii fit everyday and my progress is so sporadic and up and down it’s crazy. You wouldn’t think somebody’s weight could fluctuate so much. My thighs and arms are driving me mad. They look enormous and am having a hard time accepting that.

I just want to be normal, to not think about eating all the time. To not have to judge whether I am doing good or bad by what I ate or didn’t eat in the day and night. It’s crazy. I have not missed a day on my Wii fit though and thats good. I feel proud of myself for that. I do yoga on there everynight too and am loving it actually.

I just watched my recorded show "The Doctors" on the Crisis in Haiti and find it so heartbreaking to see all that devestation and suffering. To just think that there are kids out there who are now without parents and have to endure this suffering and pain alone just breaks my heart. I just can’t imagine. It just seems so beyond control, like how can we help them all. I just feel so troubled by it. To think that at this very moment while I am in the comfort of my own home there are little kids and people in Haiti who are hurting and starving and without support or guidance or comfort or homes or anything just makes me realize how lucky I am. My heart goes out to all those who are suffering. It hurts to think about it. I wish I were a doctor so I could go there and help. B ut then again, not sure if I would be mentally strong enough for that.