Reading back on old entries 😡

Well, I made the mistake of reading back on some of my old entries from 2007 and damn. I’ve learned that I am right back in the same mental mess as I was before. I’ve learned that people are still very closed minded, judgemental assholes today. I’ve learned that I had a lot of insight back then, maybe even more so than now. I’ve learned that there were a few good people who read what I wrote, even if it was demented and unhealthy, and still didn’t judge me but tried to offer encouragement and support. I learned that I need to lean on the positive and forget the negative as that only fuels my self hate. I’ve learned that there is still a shit ton of past trauma that I haven’t dealt with and maybe that’s why I am still hating on myself and struggling. I can say this… I am not well. I  am struggling…I’ll probably be struggling for awhile…if my struggles trigger you in anyway PLEASE don’t follow me on here… I am trying to get better…. there will be no more self harm in terms of cutting and overdosing for me….but there will probably be a lot of talk of restricting and anorexia methods as that’s my safety net for now. I need control and until I figure my shit out, restricting is what I’ll cling to. It won’t be for long. I just need to cope until I find something productive to replace my self harm.