Positive Day

Today was a fantastic day. I got up for my daily group mental health conference call at 10 am for the fourth day in a row. Yay me. I don’t always answer because I tend to stay up way to late at night and sleep in until about noon. However, I’m trying my very best to start a new routine. Wake up, do my conference call, take a shower (I find if I don’t shower in the morning I just feel blah all day), and do my daily workout and walk. So far so good. The only downside I am noticing is that my eating has decreased substantially which is kind of ok cuz I do need to lose weight but at the same time the eating disorder thoughts, the constant weighing and thoughts of how I can lose more faster have started to take over my daily thoughts. I know from the past that this is the beginning of destruction for me. This is how my eating disorder took hold before so I’m just trying to be mindful of that and not let it get too far. It’s so hard. I hate who I see in the mirror anymore and I can’t stand to take pictures with my kids because I just feel so ugly. I want to have those photos to look back on with my kids so I’ve taken a few but I keep them to myself. Until I’m at a comfortable weight I won’t be able to move on. I just hope and pray my comfortable weight doesn’t lead me down the same path of destruction as before.